A Spirited Woman’s Guide to Surviving This Season.
Some of you believe the holiday season begins with Costco’s First flocked tree display and it shows. I see you “sorry not sorry” yuletide divas filling up Insta and TikTok feeds with your Nordic firs and vintage stockings. You deck the halls with painstaking precision, crank up the fireplace and pause the flatscreen at the opening credits of “Love Actually.” With your stocking feet kicked up next to a steaming cup of cocoa, you let us know you love to #sleighallday. Meanwhile, I’m just beginning to brace myself for the butterball smackdown of Cub Foods on a Saturday before Thanksgiving.
There’s a lot to do to prepare and get yourself in the spirit for the holidays. No doubt, the list can be long and daunting, but Pulltab Sports is here to help get you through the season. So pour yourself your beverage of choice and let’s take break it down.
Christmas Cards
For me and those like me, the real holiday season arrives with your first Christmas card. Without realizing it, a simple trip to the mailbox induces a wave of yuletide panic.
Is it too late to send our card?
Are there any card-worthy pictures this year?
Do I even have a good picture (and any my kids won’t kill me for)?
You grab your phone and furiously scroll its chaotic timeline. Slightly distracted by endless images of the dog, you’re met with screenshots capturing ignored workouts routines and a bad selfie you forgot to delete. Congratulations Cindy Lou, this is what you have to show for the year. This is usually when you pour your first glass of holiday-happy-juice. Or two.
Christmas Movies
There are many debates surrounding Christmas movies, I hardly know where to begin. Which I guess brings us to the basic question of when it’s appropriate to turn one on? I grew up with network television making that decision, but with all the streaming options we’re left largely to our own devices—pun intended.
Recent polls suggest that holiday movie viewing can officially begin with a solid romance film, preferably the weekend after Thanksgiving. After the mushy, romance phase, we’re able to move into character-study family dramas full of inspiring plots aimed at deep thinking, a reflection on priorities and inevitably, an erratic ghost who may or may not get their wings. Traditional staples like “Christmas Vacation,” “Elf,” “The Grinch” or “Home Alone” should be saved for that two-week mark prior to Christmas when your nerves are as frayed as a box of 1983 tinsel. They’ll get you through cookie baking, present wrapping, secret Santa’s and passive aggressive meal planning with in-laws.
Finally, for those of you who set your DVRs for Tim Burton Christmas specials or insist that '“Die Hard” is a Christmas movie, please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Christmas Shopping
When three wise men offered baby Jesus gifts of gold, frankincense and myrrh, I wonder if they realized that Christmas gifting would eventually become a chaotic Walmart experience where odds of getting trampled for a TV are higher than Seth Rogan on April 20. Which begs the question: is Black Friday shopping even a thing anymore? Did Cyber Monday steal its thunder or did the pandemic simply lift the veil that you don’t have to camp overnight at Best Buy for decently priced AirPods?
I’m not suggesting we punt the entire shopping experience, but for those of you rushing the isles of department stores waving your Kohls Cash around, might it be easier to head to the couch, grab a few coupon codes and reserve your energy for Small Business Saturday? And let’s not get caught on the whole “it’s a tradition!” concept. If you feel the need to adhere to a ritual of waking at 4 a.m. on your day off, take up sunrise yoga or hunting or whatever. But for those of us Spirited Women who still relish in beauty sleep, let’s resolve to a new tradition of skipping retail and heading straight to brunch. With a mimosa or two.
Gratuitous Gifting
When the fuzz of a tipsy brunch wears off, you sense your days are numbered. You make your list and yeah, check it twice. Then the realization hits that it took a village to get you through the year. You remember how much better life is with a great boss, your kid’s bus driver who puts up with too much and lest we not forget the mail and delivery folks who allows us to sleep in on Black Friday. Whether it’s teachers, employees or for the love of God your hairdresser, it’s time to make it a point of showing gratitude. Before you roll your eyes that declare you ain’t made of money, thank you notes and coffee cards cost next to nothing.
Christmas Parties
Yes, life can get busy and holiday to-do lists can be overwhelming. It’s tempting to ditch out on yuletide gatherings in favor of flannel jammies and cookie dough, but what we Spirited Women must remember is this: Midwest winters are long. Enjoy the Zen of quiet nights in, but don’t spend the entire Christmas season tucked away from friends and loved ones living to exclusively bitch about the lines at Target. You’ll be surprised at how energizing a night in lipstick, big earrings with glass of Prosecco can actually be.
Whether there’s a party out there that gets you excited or not, here’s my advice: You’ll get what you give. If you go to the work party expecting a dull affair, you’ll be bored. If you go to Kelly’s party expecting it to be pretentious, you’ll find the snobs. You see what I’m saying here? Like anything in life, if you expect to be let down there’s not much the rest of us can do to change that. But if you clean up, show up and dazzle us with your winning spirit, you may just come away with a renewed sense of joy and a fabulous recipe for Beth’s Honey Whipped Feta with Roasted Olives.
And girls, if there’s not a party on the calendar that sparks joy—throw your own! Traditional rules need not apply. You can set the tone for cocktails with Bing Crosby or go the ugly sweater route. Even better you can think outside of the box like a great friend just did and host a pajama party complete with pizza, snacks and “Hallmark Holiday Movie Bingo.” With a cosmo or two.
Christmas Cookies
There are some genuine factors one should consider when it comes to how involved this process should be. For starters, on a scale of Martha Stewart Contender to Gonna Quick Run to the Bakery, let’s be honest about your skills. I can’t think of anything more depressing than spending a painful number of hours in the kitchen because you didn’t realize there’s no shame in buying cookies.
Next, let’s examine supply and demand factors. Of course cookies are always in demand, but if that demand extends to neighbors, friends, parties and the office, you should probably start the baking before Halloween and freeze the damn things. If your supply chain is a little less demanding, then invite a couple of your favorite people to drink some wine, spill the tea and bake them cookies. Some of my favorite Christmas memories are created this way.
Christmas Spirits: Will Our Liver Survive?
We’ve all been there. At some point during the season’s festivities, you realize you’ve been making steady progress through the Advil bottle and chugging more Gatorade than your workout routine has ever required. The Uber driver knows our destination by memory and the liquor store knows our PIN by heart. Between spontaneous holiday happy hours, the aforementioned brunches and Christmas parties, making our New Year’s Resolution an easy grab for sobriety.
For those of you who can pivot easily from one of the booziest seasons of the year to a dry January, awesome. But if your liver starts fighting back and your conscious starts bellyaching, I want you to know there’s no shame in a solid (dare I say it?) mocktail.
Post pandemic statistics show that people are ready to resume a healthy relationship with booze. If they’re not jumping on the bandwagon, they’re simply pumping the breaks. In the past two years alone, premixed mocktail sales have been climbing the party inclusive charts. Celebrity curators such as Katy Perry and Blake Lively have led the level-headed way by launching their non-alcoholic aperitifs and sparking mixers.
In the end, because this is the end, you do you. Leave judgment at the door and enjoy this Christmas season because as Auld Lang Syne would suggest, we are steadily making memories of days gone by.
