Why Everyone Should Aspire To Be More Like Bela Malhotra From Sex Lives Of College Girls.
Bela (like in Twilight) Malhotra, the hilarious fan-favorite from HBO’s breakout hit “Sex Lives Of College Girls,” makes a lot of terrible decisions, but underneath all of those terrible decisions is a person we should all strive to be more like. This is because Bela is seemingly immune to the rest of the world’s extreme confidence deficit.
It’s always preaching the better-ness of anyone but ourselves, and rubbing the pressures of modern society in our face. The world tries hard to convince us that the grass is always greener on the other side. This has made a great amount of us outwardly insecure, quietly insecure or really good at faking confidence just to get by. While this is really messed up, it is our reality.
Since the start of social media (approximately 25 years ago), rates of anxiety and depression have increased 70%. Around four out of five people between the ages of 16 to 24 report that using social media makes their anxiety worse. It has been proven that people who use social networking sites for more than two hours per day are more likely to report poor mental health, including psychological distress.
But Bela Malhotra is the opposite of social media. I mean, she once changed her friend's Instagram account to a knock-off account for a Chipotle franchise in Albuquerque so that a hot guy they were social-stalking wouldn’t be able to tell they were creeping on him.
Almost everyone that watches Sex Lives Of College Girls marks Bela as their favorite character, and this is most certainly for a reason: Bela makes you feel good about yourself because she feels good about herself, and hypes up those around her so they feel the same.
Bela embraces her quirks and confidence and fully commits to the bit. Despite her being a fictional TV show, this gravitation toward Bela as a character says something very powerful about our society and carries through to real life: confidence is a magnet, and - whether we realize it or not - we’re attracted to people that have it. And Bela has it.
The recurring joke in the show is that Bela “loves herself too much.” While this is a funny joke, it’s symbolic of just how distorted confidence culture is. Most of the time, it isn’t that Bela loves herself too much, it’s that everyone else is jealous because they don’t love themself enough. The crutch of Bela “loving herself too much” is just an attempt to level the playing field, and - in this case - leveling it doesn’t mean equal or meeting in the middle. Rather it’s people dimming Bela’s flame just so that others can see the remnants of theirs. And sadly, this happens far too much in our society. Whether it’s taking small jabs at friends when they’re standing too tall, undermining someone’s accomplishments with your own, cyber bullying or other creative ways of ever-so-subtly crushing other’s confidence, we’re in the midst of an epidemic of smothered self-esteem.
The reason people are jealous of confidence is because it truly is the kiss that turns you from a frog into a king or queen. But this kiss isn’t like most; it’s a kiss that you have to give yourself. And kissing yourself is quite complicated.
Bela, on the other hand, is quite good at this. Here are a couple of the roots of her self-smooches:
Bela is direct. When she sees a guy with good abs, she’ll tell him. She’ll ask people out at the library or gym (even if they end up being chuckle-f*ckers). She’ll show up at a fraternity house and con a boy into being her date. Unlike most, Bela is fearless. Many of us look at unapologetic confidence and think “I wish I could do that,” but never will. There’s a thin layer of confidence that holds back 90% of people from charging at what they want full-speed. It’s incredibly sad that most people can’t unlock this limitless-ness - the world would be a lot wilder if everyone would put in the time to heal the scars on their self-esteem. And when you really think about it… what’s the worst that could happen if you “sent it”? Don’t the positives outweigh the negatives? And even when the “send it” mentality doesn’t go as planned and the negatives do emerge, Bela has enough confidence and optimism to negate any rejection or negativity that comes her way. Bela had a viral quote in the show that demonstrates this frame-of-mind in relation to her and her roommates’ dating lives:
“We don't have power over when guys treat us like shit. But what we can control is how much we let it affect us. So, I say the four of us go out, get tanked, and, who knows, maybe we'll end up meeting a guy who doesn't treat us like garbage. Or not. It doesn't matter. At least we'll be having fun.”
Bela is open minded and creative. Creativity is often one of the biggest expressions of confidence. Putting out a piece of your brain, imagination and heart is intimidating, and takes bravery and confidence that many don’t have. It takes a lot to plaster your thoughts about the world across pages for the public to peek at. For instance, when Bela was kicked out of the legendary campus comedy magazine “The Catullan,” she said f*ck it and founded a new one. It’s this self-starter-ness that sends a message to the world that you’re not to be stepped on. And if you are stepped on, you’re going to get up and step on them twice as hard… in heels.
Bela is a hype woman. Perhaps the biggest sign of true confidence is the ability to spread it to others. The opposite of “you love yourself too much” is “you look hot,” “you’re so cool,” or one of Bela's more creative or x-rated compliments...
If you learned anything from this article, let it be that you learned that confidence is like a magnet because it gives off incredibly strong forces that are impossible to ignore and people are attracted to. Living with unapologetic, magnetic confidence lifts the barriers between you and what you want as well as unveils the things and people that are meant to be in your life much more quickly than when you’re clouded by insecurity. Utilizing your confidence magnet will make it clear who you should pull toward you and who you should push away because it will become obvious what people in your life are fueling your flame and what people are trying to smother it. Finding the things, people and purpose that fuel you and build you up are what life’s all about.
So, starting now, challenge yourself in the new year to channel your inner Bela. Build yourself up, and - no matter what the world tells you - don’t be afraid to love yourself a little “too much”…
