Can We Talk About the Russian?

Like many, I am quite excited about our new Russian sensation, Kirill Kaprizov. But like a true Minnesotan, I have a lifetime of training telling me to temper this enthusiasm. 

But 26 games into a shortened 56 game season, I have to ask, can we talk about the Russian? 

Because I’m excited, we’re all excited. Somewhere around 3:47 of overtime during Game 1 against the Kings, we all traded in our passive aggressiveness for GameStop levels of euphoria for this kid. Why? For starters, it’s been a long time coming.  

I remember years ago talking to my son about the Wild. I asked him if they were his favorite team and his reply always stuck with me, “I like the Wild, but they don’t impress me” he said. There’s a lot to unpack there, but basically what he was saying is the Wild didn’t really have any cool guys the kids wanted to be in the video game. The Wild were his favorite team, but they didn’t really excite him.

And it’s probably our own fault to a degree, as people of a certain age have always had a giant North Stars shaped hole in their heart, and we’ve never fully recovered. Yes, we miss the North Stars like a Goal magazine with Met Center nacho cheese spilled on its cover. 

Then along comes this kid, and suddenly we’re sexy. Yes, Kaprizov is just one player. But he’s a video game player, and he’s changed the complexion of the entire team. Vegas has the Wild +1700 to win the Stanley Cup, behind only Tampa Bay, Toronto, Vegas, Colorado, Carolina, New York Islanders, and Boston.

There’s so much excitement about Kaprizov, it can be hard to sort fact from fiction:

• I’ve heard Kaprizov was born in a manger, but this is likely just a coincidence as his family was planning to stay at a nearby Inn, but it was sold out.   

• It’s rumored that Kirill invented vodka, and wrote the recipe for the Doritos in the purple bag. 

• Apparently, the popular K-Pop band, BTS, recently asked Kaprizov to join. He said no, because he didn’t want to switch his phone to a Samsung—one of their sponsors. 

What could have been . . .

I’m not sure about all that, but here are 5 things we do know about Minnesota’s new favorite Russian:

1)    HE HAS THE BEST MUG SHOT IN THE NHL

Best mug shot in the NHL, and it’s not even close.

Part of the legend of Kirill Kaprizov, will be that many of us were introduced to him with what is hands down the best mug shot in the entire NHL. I’m told that when Kirill had his headshot taken, there was some discussion as to whether or not they should do it again. Thank God they didn’t, because Kaprizov’s Down and Out in Beverly Hills meets There’s Something About Mary headshot is a 12 out of 10. Kaprizov’s headshot looks like waking up with bedhead if you had been sleeping in a racecar bed. Which Kaprizov certainly does each night, because he’s awesome. 

Rise and shine Kirill!

Personally, I hope Kaprizov’s mugshot becomes iconic for years to come. I’d like to see it as bumper stickers, painted on art installations, printed on t-shirts, and handed out on a stick at the State Fair.

Someone please make bumper stickers of Kirill’s iconic mug shot.

2)   HIS EDGE WORK IS SO GLORIOUS YOU’LL WATCH A YOUTUBE VIDEO, OF HIS EDGE WORK.

Someone should check the Tria parking lot for B.A. Baracus’ black and red van, because mohawks haven’t looked this good since Mr. T’s heyday. The edges on this kid! I haven’t seen legs like this since I was dissecting a frog in 6th grade science class. If you haven’t watched the “Kaprizov dazzles with stunning skating ability” YouTube video that was flying around, do yourself a favor and click below. I hope they start making Kaprizov pizza cutters and letter openers where his legs are turned completely out full mohawk. It would be both delicious and useful.

3)    HE’S MADE 97 THE NEW 100. KEEP THE CHANGE.

An American dollar bill, sorry Dollar Dollar Bill is worth roughly 73 Russian Ruble. You know you’ve got a stud on your hands when you just start referring to the player simply by his number. HERE COMES 97 or WE NEED 97 TO JUMP OVER THE BOARDS or 97 HAVING HIMSELF A NIGHT are all sentences burning through group texts across the State of Hockey this season. Even picking that number, 97, shows a different mentality than we’re used to for a Wild player. And when you see Kaprizov in the reverse retros, it has all the feels. Like a Star Wars action figure still in the Kenner box, Kaprizov might just be the player to stand on the shoulders of all that bottled up North Stars angst and finally set us free. In fact, 97 would look pretty great on the cover of a Goal magazine.  

97 in the reverse retro has all the feels.

4)    HE HAS THE STICK AND VISION OF A BUBBLE HOCKEY WINGER.

We all know Kaprizov is a goal scorer, but watch him play a few times and what you’ll love most about his game is his vision and his playmaking. Kirill has one of those great sticks, that make you think it’s ten feet long. Wraparound goals are largely considered a fools errand in the National Hockey League. The goalies are too fast, and it’s just not a high percentage shot. Yet time and time again, Kaprizov somehow is able to mohawk his way around the net and manage to put the puck in the net with his back still pressed against the boards well behind the goal line. On any given night, the things Kaprizov does looks like Super Chexx meets Inspector Gadget. 

Kaprisov’s edges, vision, and “good stick” are just a few of the reasons he’s special.

5)    HE’S A MAN-CHILD, LITERALLY.

Kaprizov is well on his way to the Calder Trophy as NHL rookie of the year, but he will also turn 24-years-old next month. As the league wakes up to 97, Kaprizov should expect the cross checks Arizona had with his name on them last week to continue. It was fun to see Kirill square off in the dirty areas against the Coyotes the other night. Watching him snow the goalie, exchange a couple cross checks, before skating away from trouble with a smirk on his face was a thing of beauty. He looked like Dennis the Menace with a mullet. Kaprizov knows opposing teams have his number, and he appears up to the challenge. And having your team’s killer be a baby faced assassin somehow makes it all the better.  

So, yes, let’s talk about the Russian. Hopefully, for years to come.

Don’t let the baby face fool ya. Kid is a killer.