What Today’s Workforce Could Learn From The Worst Job Ever—Corn Detasseling.
If you’ve never drank water from a hose, chances are you’ve never heard of corn detasseling either. Perhaps you grew up in a big city and have more Boyz in the Hood stories than you do Children of the Corn ones. Corn detasseling was a popular job throughout the Midwest in the 80’s where 14-year-old kids from second and third ring suburbs would walk fields, pulling tassels from 7 am until 3 pm. Apparently removing a plants tassel stops it from pollinating itself, making it possible to crossbreed a variety of corn. Basically, it’s taking away a plant’s manhood and giving it an open relationship. Today’s generation may not understand hard work, but they’ll understand that. What we here at Pulltab Sports don’t understand is why we’re two years past the height of the pandemic and employers still can’t find good help. Maybe if this generation had the worst job that I have ever had, corn detasseling, they would have learned these important lessons, helping them adjust to the workforce today.
Lesson #1: Learn a Little Independence
In 1987, corn detasselers employed by Jake Seed Company would wake up at the ass-crack of dawn and listen for their unit number to be called on local AM radio station, WCCO. After praying to every God known to man that your unit number wouldn’t be called (and it was ALWAYS called), you’d pack up your 7-quart Igloo Mini-Mate cooler and walk to the center of town where a school bus would pick up the crews, each separated by gender. On rare occasions mom might drop off their kid, but unlike today, no parent was moving around their work schedule to take you anywhere. Walking a mile was completely within reason.
As a corn detasseler, for 6-8 hours a day, kids would walk fields for $3.25 an hour and then walk home, and possibly even bike to baseball practice if needed. And why were kids willing to go through this? Because back in the day, mom and dad weren’t loading a pre-paid debit card. If you wanted something you had to buy it. Therefore, after corn detasseling for a month or so, you might have enough money to hit the mall and buy anything from Zelda or Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out to black light posters or baseball cards. Or if you worked extremely hard, a down payment on a pair of Girbaud jeans.
Lesson #2: Don’t Be Afraid to Get Your Hands (or Feet) Dirty
Rain or shine, kids stepped off the bus, claimed their corn row and waited for instructions from the drill-sergeant-like foreman. “Do a good job!” “No horsing around!” “Keep up!” “Stay away from the girls’ crew!” And with that, you were off.
Within a few steps of walking into the row, the workers disappeared, swallowed up in a sea of stalks. To protect against the razor-sharp husks (and row neighbors hurling tassels like Lawn Jarts) kids started the summer by wearing long sleeves and Levi’s. But as the days became hotter, shirt sleeves and pant legs were soon sacrificed to the first person with a buck knife. Corn-sliced arms and legs were a small price to pay to keep from passing out in the heat. Row after row, field after field, in the sweltering August sun, kids picked tassels. Walking home after a shift, dirt covered every inch of your body, mud caked over tennis shoes and blisters grew fast. But not as fast as your work ethic.
Lesson #3: Pack a Lunch and Save Money
Brown bagging it is a great way to save up for something you really want. And, for me, in 1987 that something would have been Beastie Boys Licensed to Ill. Bringing your own lunch is not only cost-effective, it’s was like Christmas morning. One by one, the corn detasseling crew would crack open their coolers revealing a treasure chest of goodies, wrapped in moist plastic baggies and usually containing these five categories of food:
A main meal: PB&J or bologna sandwich (Lunchables weren’t invented yet).
Salty-hand snacks: Cheez Balls, Funyuns or Tato Skins.
Dessert: Oatmeal cream pie, Snack Pack pudding, or a Caramel candy bar you failed to sell for Little League.
Beverage: Hi-C juice box or a soda pop wrapped in tinfoil.
Mystery treat: Fruit Roll-Ups, a baggie of cereal like Smurfberry crunch, or pre-packaged crackers and spreadable cheese.
Lesson #4: Learn People Skills
When corn-detasseling, the school bus is a sanctuary. It provided shade, comfort and most importantly, camaraderie. There were no phones, Tiktok, or Instagram to keep kids occupied. If you were lucky, you might have had a Walkman radio, but you also had to be careful not to fry the batteries before the day was done. So you talked. You listened. You learned. You had face-to-face conversations and figured out your place in that microcosm of society. There were wild stories, dirty jokes and people in passing cars throwing ice-cream cones at the back of the bus due to someone pinning a Playboy centerfold to the window. We sang songs, made up stories about a fictional farmer’s daughter and passed around a dead deer leg— daring one another to take a bite. There were confrontations not only among the kids, but also with the foreman who used an occasional forearm for discipline because, “that’s how you’d do it in ‘Nam.’”
Through it all, we survived. As kids we learned how to work with people face to face—when to keep your head down, when to stand your ground, and when to pay someone off with a Hostess Pudding Pie.
Baptism by Corn
Corn-detasseling may have been the worst job ever. It may have broken a few child-labor laws. But it was a true coming-of-age learning experience. An experience that would benefit most workers today. Workers like that distracted restaurant server you’ve probably come across. The one who cares more about checking Snapchat than they do taking your order. I suppose it’s not all that bad these days. They could be filling your glass with hose water.
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