What Your Food Says About Your Graduation Party

Introducing Tomfoolery. Stuff you’ll love, as silly as it is. Check out contributor Tommy

Lord getting real with random nonsense.

Unlike anywhere else in the world, here in the Midwest, high school graduation parties are a thing. A big thing. If you find yourself constantly at a grad party or if you’re needing to host one, the type of food served will tell you a lot about the party. It’ll also help you decide on whether you’re going to check it out, or just send a check.

Breakfast

If you’re serving breakfast or brunch at your grad party this is a clear indication that you’ve got other shit you’d rather be doing. With a.m. parties, there’s no beer tubs to fill and no real food to keep hot. Just plop down some bananas, drop some bagels in a basket and keep the Gogurts chilled. You might be one step away from a continental breakfast at a dumpy Hilton Garden Inn, but you could give a shit less. This way, you’ll have your whole afternoon to take a nap, run an errand and drink your way through the beer cooler at some other sucker’s p.m. grad party.

Pulled Pork

The staple of any grad party, pulled pork sandwiches are a classic go-to. And therefore, serving this means you’re most likely a classic, salt of the earth family. Guarantee there will also be some Old Dutch chips, pasta salad and brownies on the folding table next to that pork-filled roaster. And of course, the party is in a garage, you’re not paying for a tent or taking the chance on it being nice out that day. Just tarp off those studded walls and jam everything you own behind it. God-forbid anyone peels back that plastic sheathing —one false move and a weed-wacker will fall on their the skull.

Sandwiches

Who doesn’t love a good ‘ol samich. This most likely means you’re a person of the people, there to satisfy everyone’s hunger with an assortment of easily manageable meats. Party-goers, simply hold that sammy in one hand while the other hand is available to clench a Coors Lite or high-five fellow grad party guests because some brainiac made it through high school thanks to a D+ in speech class. Sandwiches might not be the most glamorous, but they often bring the most happiness.

Mexican Buffet

For those grad party hosts, looking to show off, nothing says “we’re not afraid of a little hard work” like a buffet table lined with serving trays full of Mexican food. Chipotle is obviously the most elite, however any local Mexican restaurant can stock you up. But for party hosts, you’ll have to be on your game. No getting seltzer-schnockered with your guests. You need to be fully food-focused, making sure the guac is filled, the Sternos stay lit and the beans don’t get re-re-re-fried

Italian Pasta Bar

Similar to the Mexican food fiesta, this shows you’re not afraid of the grind. However, red sauce, white sauce, noodles and bread can be a lot to manage. Good thing Italian meals also have a secret weapon, the most perfect and easiest food to serve—pizza. So go ahead, show the effort with a little pasta and salad on the side, but let pizza be your mafia muscle. Just open the boxes, pour yourself a little vino and fuhgeddaboudit.

Food Truck

If you’re looking for a grad party power move, this is how you do it. You’re basically paying a private chef to come to your house, crank out restaurant quality food, while you flip the bill on whatever guests order from a menu. And these days, there’s a truck for everything: BBQ, tacos, fried rice, sandwiches, even deserts. The best part is, a food truck cooks, it cleans, it serves—and all you have to do is sell a kidney to pay for the damn thing.

Get The Party Started

We hope this helps you figure out your graduation food fiasco. Just remember, there’s a lot of different things you can serve at your party. Make sure you’re doing it in a way that fits your style, personality and doesn’t make you freak out. Because it’s not worth stressing out over a party for someone who’s expected to do something as average as graduate high school? So have that party and send us an invite. We also don’t want to miss out on all those delicious garage pork sandwiches.


 
Tommy Lord

Tom has been an advertising copywriter in Minneapolis for over 20 years, writing and creative directing campaigns for a wide range of clients. When he’s not wearing button up shirts, you can find him with a whistle around his neck coaching youth athletics. Tom, his wife Dawn and their three kids spend time boating, traveling, and trying to figure out their Netflix password.

Previous
Previous

Stanzel’s Sports Takeout — BREAKING NEWS: 8.5.24

Next
Next

The Kelly Rivard Strategy | The Gambling Guys Episode 15