MAKE GLOVE NOT W.A.R. — How to Make the Twins Less “Average” One Way or Another.

Jun 18

I’ve had numerous veteran reporters over the years tell me they don’t mind covering a bad team. There are at least stories every day. Drama. Clubhouse blowups. Schisms.

Good teams? Obviously a treat to follow.

Know what drives a reporter crazy? Mediocre teams. And now I get it. This hovering-around-.500 Twins team has just given me the blahs lately. Win two, lose two. Win one, lose two. Win two, lose one. Star injured. Budding young regular demoted.

This 2023 Twins team is writer’s block in athletic form.

What would make this team more fun to cover? Let’s take a look…

Redo the Arraez/Lopez Trade

Article 34.2.3 of the unwritten rules of baseball addresses the little known “Takesies Backsies” clause the Twins should invoke immediately, to reverse the Luis Arraez for Pablo Lopez trade.

Now, everyone thought this trade was good when it happened. Hell, even oh say four Lopez starts into the season, it was beneficial for both teams.

Now? A long way to go, but Twins fans invoke the name of David Ortiz far more than they ever have before.

Listen, at the time of the trade, Arraez had no place to play. But looking back - you had a budding star at third base who you had to trust would replicate his rookie year (he’s been in Triple A for almost two months); a second baseman who’s oft-injured, and a rotation at first base that’s actually been somewhat of a bright spot in recent weeks.

Arraez of course is flirting with the .400 mark. It’s only mid June, but it IS mid June after all, and no other MLB regular has hit this well this late into the season since Larry Walker in 1997.

For a team that’s been less than gifted offensively for close to a decade, trading the defending batting champ was a risk, certainly. Lopez seemed to be the answer to the Twins’ need for a No. 1 starting pitcher. He started off allowing five runs in his first four starts, earning a brand new ****** contract. The problem being that since then, he’s yielded four or more runs five times in 10 starts. He’s got just one win total in May and June.

Make Emilio Pagan A Starter

Imagine the attendance numbers the four days a week Emilio Pagan would NOT start. Right now, fans run the risk of seeing Pagan on any given night - how does anyone buy a ticket with that knowledge?

Just start Pagan once every five days, let the fans know you’re throwing in the towel and discount beer after the 4-0 first inning deficit. Imagine dad or mom grabbing the kids and saying “hey family, here’s a chance to see one of the worst relievers statistically in recent history!”

Buxton ‘Operation’ Giveaway

Come on out to the ballpark to get your very own Byron Buxton ‘Operation’ game!

You, too, can see more of Byron Buxton. Just like the Twins’ team doctors!

It’s great to see Buxton back in the lineup this week after a *checks notes* rib injury from when he got hit with a pitch. That joins leg, hip, knee, knee, hip, knee, hand, hip, knee, hamstring, illness, concussion, shoulder, foot, shoulder, concussion, wrist, knee, toe, migraines (x2) on Buxton’s laundry list of injuries.

Carlos Correa X-Ray giveaway

A chance to play doctor, part two!

Each fan at the September 9 game against the Mets will get their very own copy of the hard to find Carlos Correa ankle x-ray! Meet with team doctors from BOTH the Twins and Mets, maybe conference in the Giants, and get to the bottom of what everyone else saw but the Twins were okay with.

To his credit, Correa is heating up with the Canadian wildfires. He’s got his long awaited “signature moment”, a walk-off two-run home run against the hated Brewers.

If Correa can keep up his last two weeks over the course of a couple months, it’ll solve some - but not all - of the Twins’ offensive woes.

Manager for a Day

Have a degree in math? Heck, have a degree in anything? You, too, can over analyze “the numbers” and cause unnecessary moves in the Twins’ lineup.

Next Season

Evaluate everything. The irony is that the Twins gassed head trainer Michael Salazar at the end of last season and replaced him with Nick Paparesta. Twins players missed more than 2,300 games due to injury in 2022.

Rocco Baldelli pinch hit for Royce Lewis this week. He’s done it repeatedly for Alex Kirilloff. This isn’t the 1927 New York Yankees. You don’t need to play every matchup in June. It’s not going to win or lose you the World Series. And Lewis and Kirilloff are two of your top four or five hitters! Just let the kids play.

Call Up Matt Wallner

Speaking of letting the kids play, I’ll put on my serious hat for a moment.

Call up Matt Wallner and play him as much as you can. See what you’ve got. Is he more Buxton or more Miranda?

Wallner is just 25. He’s got a long major league career ahead of him. He’s from the northern suburbs of the Twin Cities so he’s “one of us”. The Twins liked him so much they drafted him TWICE - once out of high school in 2016, and again out of Southern Miss in 2019.

The thing is, he’s a heck of a ball player too. He’s obliterated Triple-A pitching this year, batting over .300 with 17 doubles and seven home runs. He even had seven hits in 19 at bats with the Twins in an earlier call-up.