I Like the New Twins Hat Because I’m Tired of Being a Loser.
5 months ago, I remember watching Joe Ryan bound down a catwalk as part of the Twins new uniform reveal at the Mall of America.
At the time, it was the new Twins hat specifically that caught my eye. It had an “M” on it, instead of the familiar TC logo. There was what appeared to be a North Star symbol on top. It looked cool, and young. The sort of hat my 21-year-old son would probably steal from me.
I bought one. It came in the mail, and I’ve been pulling off a flat brim situation ever since.
It hasn’t been an easy ride. NEWS ALERT: EVERYONE HATES THE NEW TWINS “M” HAT. NO, SERIOUSLY, LIKE EVERYONE. LIKE IT’S POSSIBLE THAT AN OLD GRANDMA THAT’S BEEN LISTENING TO THE TWINS ON HER RADIO FOR THE PAST 40 YEARS MIGHT SWEEP MY LEG. I DON’T FEEL SAFE.
I think the “M” on the front of the new Twins hat could stand for “Maligned,” or some may argue “Mistake” because I’ve never had such negative feedback on an article of clothing. I would say the new Twins hat is about as polarizing as the old red hats fans of the 45th president used to favor.
When you wear the new Twins hat you get hit by the standard stuff:
“It looks like a Marlins hat. That’s their ‘M.’”
Sometimes you’ll get a deeper cut:
“They stole that star from the Aurora women’s soccer team.” Or “I didn’t even know that was a star. Is that’s supposed to be a star?”
And a lot of:
“I just prefer the classic TC hat. Why would you ever mess with that?”
This is where I usually jump in and remind people that the Twins still have their classic TC hat. And that people should be judging the new “M” hat more as a third jersey type situation, it’s a flavoring agent not a full rebrand. The two hats are not mutually exclusive.
But the negativity doesn’t stop there. I had a guy come up to me at a bar in Saint Paul when I was wearing the Twins “M” hat and say, “Besides Bud Light, I think that new Twins hat is the worst thing that’s happened in marketing in the past year. Someone is getting fired.”
I spent the rest of the night feeling like I was wearing a 6-pack of New Coke on my head.
But a funny thing has happened as I’ve fielded roughly 5,000 passive aggressive negative reviews while wearing my new Twins “M” hat.
I just liked it more.
I like the new Twins “M” hat because as Randy “Macho Man” Savage put it so eloquently, “nothing means nothing.”
If anyone knows nothing means nothing, it’s Minnesota sports fans. When you look at recent success for our big-4 sports clubs, it’s not a pretty picture. We’ve had lots of nothing. The Timberwolves have never done anything, ever. I was 3 years old the last time the Vikings were in a Super Bowl, and they’ve lost four of them. We’re the State of Hockey, but neither the North Stars or Wild have ever won the Stanley Cup.
With such little success, you wouldn’t think the fanbase would be so up-in-arms about a new secondary hat design for the Twins. Why do we need to be so differential and pay so much homage to the past —when in my lifetime, as far as Minnesota sports go . . .maybe we should listen to the Macho Man, “nothing means nothing.”
Besides it’s the Twins that have been the only promise-keepers in the abyss of Minnesota sports, winning the World Series in ’87 and ’91. A time period where the team switched to . . .wait for it . . .a weird “M” hat. That’s right, both the ’87 and ’91 Twins wore the last version of new “M” hats, which look about as dated as the hockey boards we used to have in the outfield at the Metrodome.
So, think about it, folks. The last time Minnesota was in championship form and was the last one standing at the end of a season. Actually, the last two times we turned Minnesota into Winnesota—it was with the help of a new, oddball “M” Twins hat. Look closely at the moments you hold deep in your heart, and you won’t see a Twins TC hat staring back at you:
Kent Hrbek lifting Ron Gant off the bag at first . . .”M” hat.
Frank “Sweet Music” Viola dominating . . . “M” hat.
Kirby Puckett fist pumping Game 6 . . .”M” hat.
Jack Morris winning game 7 . . .”M” hat.
Am I saying this new lightning rod of a hat is going to change the fate for Minnesota’s entire sports fandom? I’m not sure, but I sure as hell am open to the possibility.
There are several reasons I’ll continue to wear my new Twins “M” hat proudly despite constantly being cut with an onslaught of papercut sized critiques.
For starters, what’s the big deal? What do we have to lose to try something new? Best I can tell, all we have to lose is being a loser. So, yeah, I’m down to try some new things. In this sports town, with our record as of late—there should be no sacred cows. “Nothing means nothing.”
Secondly, the new “M” hat is young and fun. Toss on the new Twins “M” hat, and even if you’re in your 40’s —you’ll feel like you could go to Cowboy Jack’s after the Twins game (you probably shouldn’t). It’s cool and different. And the people who hate the new “M” hat are mostly all over 30. To quote the prophet Kanye, “Listen to the kids, Bro.”
Finally, it’s worked before. Will we be waving Homer Hankies this October? I don’t know, but there is a pretty interesting precedent that’s been set. The last team that switched to a new “M” hat had good things happen. Actually, great things happened. Twice!
So, if you see someone strolling around in a new Twins “M” hat, and it feels to you that they’re giving the middle finger to whatever tradition you’re so scared we’re going to lose here in Minnesota. Try to remember, that maybe wearing the new Twins “M” hat might actually be giving the middle finger to the losing ways of the last 30+ years.
That’s the way I see it. And that’s the way I’ll continue to see it as I collect critiques like bugs on my windshield. And you can all just deal with it because until there is another winner in this town nothing means nothing . . .and with their new “M” hat, the Twins might just be on to something.
