Sex, Talking Wieners and Videotape.
Have You Watched Pam and Tommy on Hulu?
The first cassette tape I ever bought was Motley Crüe’s Shout at the Devil. As an adolescent boy, it had all the things my pre-formed brain found exciting. Aggressive guitar, outlandish costumes and screaming vocals about either hating the devil, or loving the devil, I wasn’t sure. All I knew is my buddy’s older brother thought it was badass, so I did too. The Crüe was the coolest band there was and I listened to them until the tape itself snapped, at which point I Scotch-Taped it back together. A few years later when the infamous Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson sex tape came out on VHS, I once again found myself searching for the Scotch Tape. So, when it was announced there was going to be a series about the backstory of this video, obviously I was interested in watching it—but also excited to know that it was on Hulu and that I wouldn’t need any more Scotch Tape.
Hulu’s eight-part series, Pam and Tommy, isn’t quite the story that many of us expected. Yes, it’s funny, raunchy, and fascinating. But it’s not about a self-promoting, fame hungry, celebrity couple who leaks a sex tape to keep them relevant. Instead, it’s a story about the invasion of privacy with their private property being stolen and sold for someone else’s profit. It’s a funny, raunchy, and fascinating story about their private property being stolen, but an invasion of privacy, nonetheless.
The Ultimate Rando
Most people have never seen nor heard of Rand Gauthier. And now watching this hapless, mulleted, doofus be portrayed by Seth Rogan it will forever be the way you picture him.
Gauthier’s five seconds of fame began somewhere around 1995 working as an electrician/carpenter on Tommy’s Malibu mansion renovation, a project from which he claims he was unfairly fired. When Gauthier finally gets the cajones (or should we say Gau-jones) to confront Tommy about the $20,0000 he is owed, as well as asks for his tools he’s left behind, Tommy escorts him out the door with a shot gun to Gauthier’s face.
With his pants still wet from fear piss, Gauthier hatches a plan for payback. Dressing up like Tommy’s dog, he evades the security cameras, which he helped install, and makes off with the safe full of jewelry, handguns, and a funny looking videotape. Most people wouldn’t have a machine to play this Hi8 formatted tape, but with Gauthier’s connection to the adult film industry, he’s in luck! Watching the tape, he quickly realizes he’s hit the mother lode as he sees Pam and Tommy on vacation performing all sorts of sexual activities including… ok we’re not going to go there, don’t act dumb, you know you’ve watched it.
The Magic of Makeup
Whoever was responsible for the show’s hair and makeup deserves an Emmy nomination. Let’s start with Lily James who plays Pamela Anderson. If you haven’t seen her outside of this role, maybe it’s because you just haven’t recognized her. James is a reserved, British actor best known for her role as a sophisticated debutante on Downton Abbey. Apparently, she spent four hours in makeup every morning getting fitted with wigs and other prosthetics to make everything as big and bouncy as possible. But the part said to make her transition complete was a prosthetic forehead. Who would have thought that’s even a thing? Then again, who would have thought a talking penis on TV was a thing? But yet there it is in episode two, standing tall and having a full-frontal conversation with his owner Tommy, one-eye to eye.
Tommy’s top half is played by Sebastian Stan, and he does it convincingly. His lower half was played by—or at least voice-overed by—Jason Mantzoukas. That’s right, he’s credited on IMDB.
What a year it’s been for penises on TV. I’ve seen more this year than every other year combined. But now talking penises? That just changed the game completely. Who knows, maybe not-so-tiny Tommy will get his own spin-off? We can only hope.
Ok, enough talk about schlongs. Back to the show.
The Cool Characters Continue
Gauthier enlists help from his degenerate, porn-producing and drug-ingesting buddy Milton played by Nick Offerman (more perfect casting). The two attempt to shop the tape around L.A. but nobody’s biting without signed releases from the couple. It’s not until Gauthier floats the idea of selling the tapes anonymously over the internet, that a dangerous mob boss (Andrew Dice Clay) gives them the cash flow they need. (It was either Dice or Brad Garrett’s Tony Bolognavich character on the new Jimmy John’s commercials, we’re not sure.) So, the Diceman cometh through for Gauthier and Milton, bringing on an initial windfall of cash that is gone almost as soon as it arrives. This, thanks to not only Milton snorting the earnings, but also a much bigger problem—everyone and their horny brother are pirating and selling copies of Gauthier’s initially-pirated video.
She’s Got The Looks That Kill
While you can’t help but be entertained by Rogan’s interpretation of the Gauthier gong-show, this is really the story (albeit a tragic one) about Pam. The series captures her rise as a small-town Canadian girl who was originally discovered during a Labatt’s Jumbotron promotion at a Toronto Blue Jays game (Does it get any more Canadian than this?).
Through spirituality, escaping abusive boyfriends, and agreeing to pose naked for Playboy, Pam quickly becomes America’s favorite eye-candy, landing starring roles on Baywatch and in the movie Barb Wire. She’s every immature boy’s fantasy, including Tommy Lee’s. He follows her to Mexico and proceeds to pop everything from champagne and prescription pills to marriage proposals. Within four days they’re married and begin trying to have kids, because who wouldn’t want to start a family with the guy who invented the roller coaster drum kit? Not so fast, marital bliss. As their sex tape gains notoriety, their relationship starts to unravel like a broken cassette tape that not even a Bic pen can wind back together.
The Pamela Principle
Even as Tommy hires a private investigator and the Hells Angels to smoke out Gauthier, it was too late—the tape was spreading faster than the clap on a Motley Crüe tour bus. And now Pam is all kinds of angry. Her movie Barb Wire sucks, her best friend Courtney just might have killed the lead singer of Nirvana (we’ll save that for another article), and she has the ADHD demon seed from the drummer of Motley Crüe growing inside her. The bigger issue, in all seriousness, (half-kidding about the Courtney Love reference) was that her husband, like the rest of the world, has a double standard of how they were both perceived in the public eye. Tommy was being viewed as a well-hung hero, while Pam was objectified as a slut. Even the judge’s ruling in the couple’s lawsuit against Penthouse (who promoted the video), saw it the same way. His statement claimed that the video wasn’t private property because “her body belonged to the world.” In the end we all know that Pam divorces Tommy. But what most of us didn’t know until after watching this series was how she refused to compromise her principles and sell out. Instead, she convinced Tommy to join her in signing away the rights to the video, and in doing so refusing to ever receive a penny of compensation.
And Then This Just Happened
For those of us still enamored with this story, it appears this isn’t the end of it. While Pam and Tommy did not give their consent to the Hulu series, they’ve recently broken their silence about it. In keeping with his character, Tommy is reportedly cool with the series, having been in contact with Sebastian Stan. Pam, on the other hand, appears to have a different viewpoint. She recently scrubbed her Instagram account clean and then created this lone post (pictured above) alluding to rumors of a Netflix tell-all documentary coming to a cue near you. We can’t wait to hear what she has to say, and wonder if her lady parts will also agree to be interviewed.
