5 Reasons Why Post Malone May Quite Possibly Be The Second Coming of Jesus.
As a younger child, my parents dragged me to Sunday school every week. While I cannot recall any of the Bible verses that I had to memorize, I do remember the church teacher telling us that Jesus would return one day. We were told, the day of his second return should be a day to look forward to and celebrate when it arrives. I have been waiting ever since that Sunday, and am excited to report that Post Malone may in fact be the return of Christ to earth. Let me share with you the 5-signs that to prove Posty is Jesus:
Matthew 24:14 states that one sign of Christ’s return will be the sharing of the gospel with all the nations of the world. Last month, Post Malone finished his North American If Y’all Weren’t Here, I’d Be Crying tour. Prior to his 2023 summer tour, Posty finished his 12-country international Twelve Carat Toothache tour. As per Spotify, Post Malone's songs are streamed in over 75 different countries. In June 2023, Post Malone became the first artist in Spotify’s history to have two albums reaching 11 million streams. The message of White Iverson has reached all corners of the globe. And while there still may be more bibles in hotel nightstands than Post Malone streams, it’s pretty clear Posty is getting divine with his distribution.
Another cited sign of Christ’s return (Matthew 24:6-8) is the presence of natural disasters and plagues. We do not have to hark back too far to the largest pandemic of the century. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), there have been nearly 7 million deaths related to the COVID-19 pandemic, a probable sign of end times. The Bible continues that when Christ comes back he will make all things right. Posty made history in 2020 when he held a Nirvana tribute concert on YouTube and raised over 10 million dollars for the WHO to combat the impact of COVID-19. A perfect example of Post Malone making things right for his people.
3. In the Bible’s book of Revelation, the return of Christ will come at a time of celestial anomalies, and the sky is also speaking the signs of Posty as Christ. In 2021 astronomers identified the first ever hypernova, 2022 found a new galaxy, and this April there was a Lyrid meteor shower which comes, oh, around only every 415 years! Then on August 30th we had the Super Blue Moon, which occurs with only 3% of full moons. Sightings of the astronomical wonder were photographed across the globe, praised for being the brightest moon of the year. Do we think it was just a coincidence that Post Malone spent his Earth Day conversing with NASA astronauts on the International Space Station? We think not.
4. Matthew 24:5 mentions another sign of the end times and the return of Christ is the appearance of false Gods. In July, during her Eras Tour, Fox News reported that fans of Taylor Swift are literally addicted to her, and are obsessed at new extreme levels. The story continued to state that fans are dependent on Taylor Swift for dopamine hits, a condition known as Celebrity Worship Syndrom. Don’t get us wrong, we’re Swifties here at Pulltab Sports, but could Posty have been sent to save us from the false God of Miss Swift?
5. One of the final signs of Jesus’ return is the restoration of Israel. While Post Malone has never identified himself religiously as Jewish, he has consistently made his support for Jewish people and the state of Israel public. Posty’s quadruple-platinum song “Circles,” was on Billboard’s Hot 100 list for 39 weeks! Malone then used the music video for this enormously famous song to promote the emblems of the Jewish people. Most notably, Posty is wearing a large golden medallion akin to the Star of David throughout the video. Additionally, in the video we see loaves of bread and menorahs. Many of Malone’s songs also reference being chosen and overcoming obstacles, major themes of the Jewish people. While it may be discreet, yes, Posty is helping to rebuild Israel.
I’m sure by now you agree that it is time to celebrate! Christ has returned to save his people from the end of days, and he has face tattoos! Enjoy knowing that you have made it safely to the comforting time of the second coming. Post Malone, we are grateful, and praise the love and peace you have brought to the world. Amen.
If you are not convinced, try to tell me I’m wrong IG and Twitter, @emmiwitdahoops
