Momentum. Uncle Mo. Whatever you call it, he gone!

Yes, the Vikings Mr. T Starter Kit was replaced by an extra tight choker as a loud THUD could be heard as the Vikings hopes and dreams belly flopped at U.S. Bank Stadium this past Sunday.

We should have seen this coming, for a few reasons. For starters, the Cowboys always have their way with us. From Drew Pearson’s O.G. “Hail Mary,” to the lopsided Herschel Walker trade, and Tony Dorsett scampering for 99 yards. Generally, seafoam pants and stars on helmets don’t end well for our purple. Not to mention this week we were treated to ex-Cowboy QB Tony Romo doing the broadcast and, yes, they did find time to sneak in the Drew Pearson clip. Thanks.

Secondly, for any Minnesota sports fan paying attention it’s pretty clear the Vikings mojo was dipped into the mighty Mississippi and the symbolic gold chains are now being worn by the crosstown Wild. We’ve investigated it, and below is the sequence of events the reporters here at SKÖLIOSIS believe happened:

The Vikings beat the Bills in one of the greatest games ever.
Patrick Peterson dons the chains, and Uncle Mo is safely on the Vikings charter headed home to Minnesota.
Somewhere on this journey the lake effect winds, and severe winter storm started to brew in Buffalo.
Next these winds blew the Vikings momentum out of the plane and toward a goose flying near the aircraft. Don’t laugh, the Internet says a goose can fly up to 70 mph. So, it must be true.
This goose then flew home to Saint Paul where it landed near Alex “Goose” Goligoski as he prepared for his 1,000th game ceremony and overtime heroics. “Goose” scored the game winner for the Wild in a 2-1 victory.

We see you rolling your eyes. But the footage doesn’t lie. Look at the sliding OT winner from the 37-year-old Goligoski. He’s smiling ear to ear, before the entire team comes over and begins pulsating while chanting “Goose! Goose! Goose!” Goligioski goes on to give an emotional speech to the Wild faithful, before getting a full Bellagio water show in the locker room. Sure, we can debate the exact time and place the Vikings lost their mojo, but the footage doesn’t lie: Uncle Mo is officially in Saint Paul.

Besides, isn’t this what the Vikings do? Don’t we remember the Eagles mocking the SKOL chant just one week after Stefon Diggs turned whines into a win with the Minnesota Miracle? Have we forgotten 41-Donut?!

I heard a few co-workers breaking down the Dallas Debacle:

“Did you watch the game this weekend?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Well, I’ve had the good fortune of watching the Vikings play in the Super Bowl four times in my lifetime. Do you want to know what it’s like when the Vikings play in the Super Bowl?”

“Just like yesterday.”

“Exactly.”

This is what we do. We can’t have nice things. And this loss had all the hallmarks of a gruesome defeat.

Switch Shame.

You know things are going poorly for your team when the National broadcast cuts away in the middle of the 3rd quarter. My buddy in California said CBS switching to a different game didn’t provide the mercy you’d expect, it actually made things worse. The switch away was somehow more menacing like seeing your derelict uncle tied to chair in the back of a mob bar only to have the mob thugs slowly close the door leaving you to imagine the further horrors.

On the bright side the cutaway spared Viking ex-pats from having to suffer through another 45 minutes naively hoping for another miracle comeback which this season has somehow trained us to believe will happen.

For others the cut away was like a Schrodingers Cat experiment. They could just pretend the Vikes came back and won once CBS cut away—or at least imagine them making things interesting with a frisky effort to reclaim some self-respect.

Not to mention the entire week gave most Vikings fan some PTSD from the week after the Minnesota Miracle. Otherwise known as the last time we came off an epic win only to get destroyed by the Eagles 38-7 the following week. It’s like the NFC East exists solely to extinguish our purple optimism. It should have been so obvious in hindsight. It’s basically an unwritten rule in sports, right? Team coming off big emotional win, squares off against a team with something to prove coming off an emotional loss . . . . . TOTAL TRAP GAME. And we knew it. But after not betting on the Vikes last week, we had to start believing in them, right?

Related, it does appear the louder and more epic the SKOL! chant is pregame at U.S. Bank Stadium is a total harbinger for disaster. Minnesotans aren’t designed to be brash and overconfident. It goes against our Norwegian nature and as soon as we try on a little swagger, things completely backfire. We are meant to be passive aggressive not aggressive.

In many ways, this was exactly the moment we have been dreading all season. The moment we predicted in week 5 with the purple pain meter. The Vikes officially sucked us in using all 9-Lives in their unlikely victory over the Bills. After resisting for weeks, they finally got us to say, “okay, I am a believer!!!” And then immediately after we finally put our money in the church offering tray proclaiming our allegiance, they take a dump on the hood of our car and send us home in the most humiliating way possible.

But it’s not the Vikings fault.

It’s our fault. We need to keep our purple guards up remembering the Viking fan mantra, “Always expect the worst, and hope for the best.”

This is what we get for putting our Christmas tree up too early. Never put it up before Thanksgiving! Not to mention Kirk’s record in games after 1 pm…

However, it does make us wonder if maybe this game was a sacrificial lamb? Maybe being doubted and people not believing in them will maintain the underdog role going forward. Allowing the Vikings to follow up the big games with massive clunkers purging all the good will and bleeding the purple radiator lines. Only to sneak up on people again and go on another 7-game win streak!

Either that, or we can always go to a Wild game.