Budda Baker. Budda Baker. Budda Baker. Wow, that does feel good. It’s like a more Zen version of double-doink. No wonder the commentators couldn’t stop talking about him. Budda Baker. Budda Baker. Budda Baker. You don’t even miss the “h.”

But Vikings fans are talking about only one thing this week, one magnificent and totally surprising thing. 4 words:

KIRK COUSINS CAN RUN.

The fanbase’s reaction to Cousins’ 17-yard touchdown scamper has been significant. It seems to be the only thing people can talk about.

Offensive lineman Garrett Bradbury said of the run, “It’s the greatest thing I’ve ever seen.”

And while we can always appreciate the enthusiasm of a center, SKÖLIOSIS is serious stuff. So, we took it upon ourselves to rank Cousins run against the greatest runs of all time.

THE ALL-TIME BEST RUNS EVER

1. Clark Griswold sprints to entrance of Wally World (1983)

2. Kirk Cousins 17-yard scamper vs. Cardinals (2022)

3. The Greatest Beer Run—John “Chickie” Donohue brings beer to his buddies in Vietnam (1967)

4. Forest Gump runs for 3 years, 2 months, 14 days, and 16 hours straight after Jenny turns him down (1994)

5. Eliud Kipchoge breaks the 2-hour barrier in the Marathon (2019)

6. Roger Bannister runs first sub 4-minute mile (1954)

7. Van Halen release “Runnin’ with the Devil” (1978)

8. Florence Griffith Joyner sets 100 m and 200 m world record (1988)

9. Steve “Pre” Prefontaine sets records in every distance from 2,000 to 10,000 meters (1973-75)

10. Katherine Switzer becomes first woman to run the Boston Marathon (1967)

Yes, only Clark Griswold’s mad dash to the moose tops the pure beauty we saw from Kirk on Sunday. I guess it’s no surprise a Cousins and a Griswold sit atop the podium, because there’s a lot of Kirk in Clark, and a lot of Clark in Kirk.

Rumor has it that after seeing Kirk’s scamper, the BBC have decided to reboot the “Planet Earth” franchise and will prominently feature Cousins running in slow motion in the next edition. Movie buffs have also started several subreddits lobbying for Quentin Tarantino to finally reveal it was a video of Cousins 17-yard touchdown run that was in the glowing suitcase at the end of “Pulp Fiction.” And the NFT of the 17-yard Cousins scamper is expected to surpass The Merge ($91.8 Million) as the best-selling NFT of all time. Which makes sense, the NFL’s “KIRK COUSINS SPEED” tweet already has 357.1K views . . .and it’s only Wednesday.

So, what was it about Kirk running that so captured Vikings fans imaginations and hearts? I suppose it’s because it was so unexpected. To be more specific, Kirk Cousins running was unexpected joy. Seeing Kirk Cousins scamper or scramble or sprint, or basically any word with “s” was like finding a frozen mug in the freezer when you’re ready for a beer. Actually, that’s not extreme enough. Let’s push off Halloween while it’s fresh in your mind. Seeing Kirk Cousins dash and dart is like getting a full-size candy bar on Halloween. No, even that falls a bit short.

Perhaps what we’re underestimating here is the surprise factor. We’re ignoring the Kirk of it all. Cousins scoring that way was the equivalent of finding out Kirk had a tattoo sleeve. Or going to Kirk’s house on Halloween and he’s giving out full size candy bars for the kids, and has a bowl of edibles for the adults. Aaron Rodgers got a lot of attention this summer for doing ayahuasca. Watching that Cousins run on Sunday was a far bigger trip. In those 17-yards, it was like watching Kirk completely recreate the Tom Cruise dancing in his underwear scene from “Risky Business.” For Vikings fans it was just as surprising as finding out Kirk used to bully Ryan Reynolds, made millions in crypto, or helped Jack Antonoff produce the new Taylor Swift album. Totally mind blowing, in all the right ways.

Surprisingly, however, this isn’t the first time this has happened. Clocking in at #11 on the All-Time Best Runs Ever List was Cousins 7-yard touchdown scamper against the, wait for it, Cardinals in October of 2018. Cousins even finished that score with a breathtaking dance. I’m told usage of the salsa dance emoji skyrocketed that day. Warning: Don’t stare directly at the video of Cousins’ celebration below or your face may melt. We recommend using one of those solar eclipse boxes.

All of this does beg a question. Is Kirk running for touchdowns a seasonal phenomenon? Can we set our watches to it? Is Kirk Cousins running footloose and fancy free against the Arizona Cardinals in the month of October the same thing as the running of the bulls in Pamplona each July? We can only hope, because it’s beautiful and would be something to look forward to.

I’m sure we could talk about some other things, like how if the Vikings win this week against the Commanders they’d be 7-1 just like they were back in 1998 and 2009. Or how our Kevinly Father revitalized the running game (not just Kirk) after the bye week. Or how Za’Darius Smith is singlehandedly making us love the letter “Z.” Or how this team is starting to making Vikings fans believe, even though deep down we’re still worried Lucy will just pull the ball away again.