If anyone knows what it’s like to be a loyal fan of the Purple, it’s the readers of SKÖLIOSIS — your weekly reminder that being a Vikings fan is bad for your health.

Welcome to the calm before the storm. If you’ve been a Vikings fan long enough, you knew precisely what was going to happen last week, and what’s going to happen on New Year’s Eve this weekend against the Packers.

Of course, we’d lose to the Lions last week, and of course we’ll beat the Packers on Sunday.

Wait, what?

It’s not that hard of a riddle to deduce, the Vikings are in the business of inflicting the most possible pain on their fan base. This requires them to giveth and taketh away. Which means this Sunday, yes, we finally get that Hall Pass.

Load up your FanDuels and PrizePicks and Bovadas, because Jaren Hall is going to look like a Hall of Famer on Sunday. He might run for 100, he might throw for three TDs—he’ll do just enough to captivate the Purple fanbase. New Year’s babies will be named Jaren, #16 jerseys will be ordered, and lazy newspaper columnists will put DECK THE HALLS in giant font on our Monday papers.

Rubes from border to border will huddle in coffee shops next week:

“This Hall, he’s special.”

“Hallsy, he’s got that IT factor. Just something about him.”

Maybe he’ll earn a short-lived nickname like “The Passtronaut.” Yes, Jaren Hall you’re about to become the Vikings favorite new toy . . .for a week or so. And then just like Lenny in Of Mice and Men, we’ll pet it, and pet it—eventually chewing the eyes out of our favorite Jaren Hall stuffed animal. It will take the purple fanbase a week or too, but rest assured we’ll get that squeaky out, leaving him in a pile with the rest of the discarded weekly heroes.

We know the Vikings are banged up. They’ll be playing without T.J. Hockenson, and D.J. Wonnum. And Jordan Addison and Alexander Mattison have been limited in practice this week. That’s a lot of stars (and syllables) either sitting out or not at full strength on the Vikings sideline.

So how are the Vikings going to win?, Expect our human Hall Pass to be stellar. We don’t know what to expect from him, and the Packers will be in the same boat. Hall should be able to make a few deposits at US Bank before Green Bay figures out how to gameplan him.

Oh, and someone who isn’t hurt . . .Justin “JJ2K” Jefferson. Whether it’s 3rd and 27 or 2nd and 6, there isn’t a more reliable receiver in the NFL than Jefferson. Expect JJ to be dynamite!

Even if we know how this story will end, we encourage you all to enjoy the Hall Pass this New Year’s Eve. On a holiday that can be a touch overrated, Vikings fans should savor the calm before the storm. We need highs to make the lows hurt more. We need 411 yards passing, to mix with four interceptions. Yin to our Yangs, so expect the Vikings to slide just enough food under our door Sunday night to keep us hopeful and alive.

What happens next? Well, this is the Vikings—so all we know is it’s going to hurt.

We already ticked the box on the opposing team mocking our SKOL chant with the Lions clinching. What’s left? What would hurt the most?

How about we beat the Packers, only to need a victory over the Lions who are resting their starters the last week of the season, but we somehow stub our toe against their backups and miss the playoffs.

Or maybe we win out, but Seattle and Los Angeles do their jobs, so we miss. We do everything right and it ends up all wrong.

Or maybe we make the playoffs and then it’s so lopsided and painful when we get there, we wonder why we ever tried so hard in the first place (see last year).

All we know is it’s not going to be easy. It’s never easy. These are our Vikings.

But this Sunday, for one beautiful evening, we should enjoy our new toy. We should savor our Hall Pass. So, put on those 2024 glasses, grab some noisemakers and a glass of chilled champagne, because Sunday we live to die another day. Happy New Year!