SKÖLIOSIS: WILD CARD— AMOR FATI - Vikings 9, Rams 27
If anyone knows what it’s like to be a loyal fan of the Purple, it’s the readers of SKÖLIOSIS — your weekly reminder that being a Vikings fan is bad for your health.
At least it was an open casket.
The Purple really ripped the Band-Aid off this time. If you invited people over to watch the playoff game, at least it was over before it even started on Monday night.
Which makes you wonder. How can a football team, your favorite football team go 14-3, only to be eliminated from the playoffs, on the road I might add, before the champagne had even dried out of Sam Darnold’s ginger mane? What a drastic turn of events that was these last couple weeks.
We need to unpack this. And we’re going to do it properly. Because this is Sköliosis, and unless you’re a Vikings fan, you don’t really understand what it’s like to be a Vikings fan. It went down something like this.
THE BUILDUP
To think we gave poor Kirk Cousins so much grief about not being able to perform in prime time, when the Vikings fan base can’t handle the spotlight either. It started when they flexed the Lions game week 18 and it took on a life of its own as THE MOST SIGNIFICANT REGULAR SEASON FOOTBALL GAME IN THE HISTORY OF FOOTBALL!!! I’m surprised they didn’t toss Roman numerals on that game, what’s Week 18 in Roman . . .XVIII. Jeff Daniels was talking on our screens, even Carrie Underwood was singing about our Vikings!
Seriously, dude. We can’t handle that. It’s too much. The buildup is brutal as a Vikings fan. Honestly, I would prefer that the Vikings play every important football game from here on out with a 6:30am CST start. It should be like a way-too-early round of golf where you don’t even realize you’re playing golf until about the 11th hole. And guess what, you’re likely playing better than you usually do!
Monday night’s disaster against the Rams was no different. On the schedule the Vikings were the very last game of Wild Card Weekend. We didn’t even play our game on the weekend! Which means we have to go to work wearing our stupid purple jerseys. We have so much time on our hands. Time to think about it. Time to convince ourselves this time it will be different. Time to call other Vikings fans, time to check in with our dads. Time to make a nice dinner and invite other Vikings fans over. These late starts have been emotional terrorism on our fan base.
THE L.A. FIRES
Not to be insensitive, because clearly what’s going on in California is way more important than a football game. But we can admit our faults as Vikings fans. And you know you did it. The second the entire pregame show turned into panning through still photos of the natural disaster with the wildfires in California, Vikings fans just rolled our eyes and tossed up our hands because we knew our football dreams had gone up in smoke too.
Every Rams coach was wearing a LAFD hoodie, they even trotted out Rachel Platten to sing, “Fight Song.” The only problem, this wasn’t the Vikings fight song, it was everyone else in the world’s fight song except the Vikings. Not only were Vikings fans forced to battle against our own considerable baggage, ghosts, demons, and the like—now we were basically playing the Saints right after Katrina. If the Vikings somehow won, we were inflicting more pain on a part of the country that needed relief the most. We would be the devil, while the entire world was rooting for the City of Angels.
Photo after photo of scorched earth panned on our television sets as we averted eye contact and looked down at our purple clothing, mumbling, “Well, the Chargers lost. And they’re from Los Angeles.”
Again, human life > football. It’s horrible what’s happening in California. But you can admit it, deep down you were thinking to yourself, “Yes . . .but also being a Vikings fan FEELS a lot like seeing everything you love burst into flames. Only we do it every year.” These thoughts happened. It doesn’t make it right, but they happened.
WATCHING THROUGH THE NEIGHBOR’S WINDOWS
To go along with the Sköliosis adage that the only safe way to watch the Vikings is through your neighbor’s window, at least ESPN provided some relief in the form of a rare playoff Manningcast alternate broadcast. Even former Viking great, Jared Allen, stopped by.
The Manningcast started as it has most of this season with Peyton, Eli, and legendary coach Bill Belichick. On a night that ranks right up there with 41-Donut for Vikings fans, I will say the Manningcast was like taking a handful of Tylenol right at kickoff. The Vikings played so bad with Darnold seeing ghosts again, an offsides penalty that everyone in the building knew couldn’t possibly happen, and a coaching staff that appeared to concede the game at halftime. The benefit of the Monday night game being an outright disaster from the start, is the Manning boys and Belichick basically lost interest in the game right from the start.
I think watching a way too hyped-up Sam Darnold lose $300 Million and turn into a pumpkin on National television was too much for former stud quarterbacks Peyton and Eli Manning. Their reaction doing the game was almost like seeing a 3-legged dog on the sidewalk or a homeless person taking a dump in a Home Depot bucket on the sidewalk. They just sort of grimaced and changed the conversation. Belichick was no different, as he seemed flabbergasted by the play calling. Where was the sense of urgency? Why are we dropping Darnold back into these slow developing plays when our offensive line is under siege? Why aren’t they getting Jefferson involved? Coach Bill basically tossed up his hands too, as if to say, “What are we doing?”
It didn’t take long for the Manningcast to devolve into showing highlights, and to shift to a “best of” show of sorts. The guys completely abandoned the game, there were even times when they were running old clips while the game was being played. And you know what, it was kind of nice. Almost like these legends yelled “Uncle!” for the beleaguered Viking fan base. And it for sure was way better than listening to Joe Buck and Troy Aikman pick at our purple scabs one by one. Thank you for your mercy, Manningcast. You provided the “physician-assisted dying” this team needed, and your bedside manner was classy.
I’M DONE WITH THIS
When there is a really devastating Vikings loss like Monday night, most fans that have seen this movie a time or two, will consider being done with the Vikings. My buddy and I openly discussed picking another NFL team to root for. We weighed the pros and the cons and zeroed in on either Joe Burrow’s Bengals or Jayden Daniels’ Washington Commanders as possible new teams to support. It would be fun, we could bleach our hair and find the Bengals and Commanders bars in Minnesota, we’d meet new people, maybe we go to a game together in Cincinnati or Washington.
Diving off the Vikings bandwagon is an interesting proposition. I’m actually surprised more of us don’t do it. The rationale seems to be that we don’t want to bail on them now, because if they ever do win a Super Bowl all the pain and sacrifice will have been worth it. And we’d be somehow less authentic had we taken a couple years off clinking glasses at Bengals or Commanders bars. The only problem with this rationale is this: if you assume being a Vikings fan is like spending time in a prison, and you have the opportunity to escape and leave all the pain behind. Why would you stay? Would the rush of the eventual release many years down the road actually be worth the price of your fan freedom for decades? Or maybe we’d just end up like Brooks from Shawshank Redemption, unable to accept our newfound freedom.
Checking in with my brother after the game he simply said, “I don’t know how long I can keep doing this.” While a text from my dad simply read, “I’m done. No more!”
Perhaps the hardest part of Monday’s disaster was watching the teacher pupil dynamic between Rams head coach Sean McVay and Kevin O’Connell. If O’Connell was our Ted Lasso spirit animal these last few years, McVay tore his mustache right off his upper lip on Monday night.
O’Connell looked unsure of himself. Going for it on 4th down at the end of the first half felt like the most un-O’Connell thing we’d ever seen. And the total lack of urgency in the second half seemed to signal we’d conceded the game and didn’t want it to get uglier than it already was. After a couple weeks of O’Connell trade rumors, the head coach’s performance on Monday night makes me think he’s not going anywhere. Unfortunately, I’m a little less excited about this than I was a couple weeks ago.
A NEW HOPE
But at the end of the day, we’re Vikings fans. What this means is it takes about 5 seconds for all of us to take off our purple clothing and look ahead to next year. I’d guess you did the same, probably breaking things down as follows:
To paraphrase the great Denny Green, “Sam Darnold is who we thought he was.” Maybe we dodged a $40 Million bullet on that one.
Looks like our prized coaches O’Connell and Flores might be stuck here with us!
And at the center of it all. Let’s ride the kid. I don’t care if J.J. McCarthy is 8-9 next season, or worse. If he can be a franchise quarterback someday and bring new life to our rotting purple corpse, sign me up!
J.J. McCarthy did weigh in on the Vikings loss, posting the cryptic words AMOR FATI on his Instagram, a phrase that means accept your fate positive or negative. It’s your fate.
Maybe this guy is just what we need. The word on the street is McCarthy is a winner, and a gamer. He’s also known as a Zen type who likes to “be where his feet are,” practicing some meditation and yoga style techniques to keep himself calm during games.
Who knows, maybe J.J. is our Super Bowl Sherpa. I’m down for taking off my shoes and lighting some candles as we try to heal Vikings nation. Maybe this Zen kid is exactly who we need to take us, finally, to mecca.
Amor Fati. We’ll see you next season!
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