SKÖLIOSIS WEEK 11—BUCKING BRONCOS & DOBBY LAMAS — Denver 21 Minnesota 20
If anyone knows what it’s like to be a loyal fan of the Purple, it’s the readers of SKÖLIOSIS — your weekly reminder that being a Vikings fan is bad for your health.
In the Week 6 article of Skoliosis, we boldly predicted the Vikings would start winning again. That the Vikings would start winning, simply so they could inflict us with more pain. Because of course the losses hurt us more the less we are used to them. Much like the epically bad hangovers after a binge night at the tail end of a dry January, after we have whittled down our alcohol tolerance through a month of sobriety. This Vikings win streak gave us over a month of clean living. Of abstinence from losing. We knew when we fell off that wagon, it would hurt more than those early season losses did. It was only a matter of time.
The thing is, not only did we predict we would start winning again in that week 6 article, but we predicted we would specifically go on a 5-GAME WIN STREAK!! In hindsight, were not sure why we envisioned a 5-game streak. It’s not like we looked at the calendar and saw a formidable Broncos team week 11 and assumed we couldn’t get past them. Especially considering that at the time the Broncos were 1-5 and recently coming off of a week 3 humiliating loss to the Dolphins, a 70-20 beat down that was 3 points away from setting a record for epic beatdowns in the NFL. No, we did not have the game against the Broncos circled on our calendar as a Clash of the Titans. We think it was more so that a 5-game streak just seemed the right amount to suck us back in. Enough to get us back above .500 and all the seats on the bandwagon sold out again.
It’s fair to say it worked. SKOL nation was riding high on the hog, perhaps a Mile High even. So, it only made sense that we should ride into Mile High Stadium on Sunday Night, with that 5-game win streak firmly in the bank, that we should consider gripping the reigns of our horse a little tighter, and squeeze those thighs around the saddle a little firmer, and prepare ourselves to get BUCKED. Because we knew, we just KNEW, that we were due for a good BUCKING.
Mr. Dobby Lama
The thing is that it wasn’t JUST a five-game win streak. No, it was much more than that. It was a 2-game undefeated streak of the Josh Dobbs era. Our new hope. Our new messiah. Our Mr. Dobby Lama. Was he invincible we started to think to ourselves? Might we never lose again? Was a mobile QB the answer to all our problems and we would win out on our way to the Super Bowl? Yeah, the 5-game win streak was fun, but the Josh Dobbs streak was even more fun. The Legend of the Passtronaut was growing exponentially. The tails of his intellect being as quick as his legs had our imaginations running wild. Was his appetite for knowledge insatiable? Would he get bored when the offense wasn’t on the field, and maybe we’d see sideline shots of him playing chess against 12 masters at once until the offense was ready to go back on the field.
Or we could imagine seeing coach O’Connell spill a pile of junk on a trainers table Apollo 13 style and asking Dobby to assemble it into a rocket or radio or new bench heating system for the guys, just to keep him stimulated?
Or we could imagine sideline cameras cutting to Mr. Dobbs suddenly up in one of the box suites, drawing astrophsycist equations or drawing up plays on the plexi-glass.
Or even just reading through the playbook on the bench with one of those long reader pipes that geniuses apparently prefer seemed possible at any moment.
Heck, now that we think of it, when Dobby Howser was visiting the blue tent after a brutal hit (and cheap one we may add) on the first drive of the game, did our mad scientist team doctor even go in with Josh or was Dr. Dobbs just doing an exam on himself? Do other players consult him on the bench about suspicious moles while others are asking for tax advice? Are we gonna have not only a QB controversy but a team Doctor controversy brewing as well? (But Coach, his hands are warmer and he doesn’t try to sew animal parts onto me, and he was totally right about the gluten allergy thing)
The possibilities were endless with this quarterback savant on our hands. And as the game went on, he only further stoked our imaginations. Making a few more magical plays with his feet and his hands and his calm and moving the Vikings offense mostly efficiently, until the turnover cloud reared its ugly head again. And suddenly our quarterback appeared fallible afterall, falling short on a bid for a last minute victory. Quickly reminding us as the bucking Bronco winning streak we were holding onto for dear life was inevitably bucking us off, sending us crashing to the ground and a crash back to reality that being a Viking fan is bad for our health. Perhaps there should be a special blue tent for us Viking fans after games like this. Perhaps we need someone to assess whether we are in good enough condition to continue this season as fans.
Paging Doctor Dobbs!!
Paging Doctor Dobbs!!
But it it possible we are focusing on the wrong thing in worrying about the Vikings impact on our health? Instead of wondering how Doctor Dobbs can save our aching broken bodies from years of Purple abuse, should we instead focus more on how the Dobby Lama can save our souls. How we can use this Purple Pain to lead us onto the path of Enlightment?
We’ll See
There is a great Chinese Proverb about an old farmer who one day has his horse run away. Upon hearing about it his neighbors say “what bad luck, you must be so sad.”
“We’ll see” the farmer replies.
The next morning the horse returns bringing with it two other wild horses. “How wonderful,” the neighbors exclaim, what great fortune you have!”
“We’ll see,” answered the farmer.
The following day the farmers son tries to ride one of the untamed horses and his bucked off, breaking his leg. “Now your son cannot help you with farming, what terrible luck you have!”
“We’ll see,” replies the farmer.
The following week, military officials come to recruit men to war, seeing the boys broken leg they pass him by. The neighbors say “Such great news, you must be so happy!”.
The man smiled to himself and said once again.
“We’ll see,”
If ever there was a Viking season that seemed to encapsulate the moral of this story, it would be this season right? A season with an 0-3 start, written off for dead, a winning streak of fortune, followed by losing our QB1 in the midst of it. A rally behind QB2, every step of the way this Vikings season seems to be exchanges of fortune and misfortune. Is it not only fitting that we should be bucked off this winning streak of a horse by the Denver Broncos of all teams? A city whose airport is haunted by Blucifer the Demon Horse.
The thing is, yeah, sure we lost. We knew it hand to end. But one thing the Dobby Lama is showing us so far, is don’t get too high or too low. Stay cool. Stay calm. Stay smooth. Typically when they show Joshua on the sidelines his expression never seems to change. A wicked poker face of zen. Of course that could just be the lack of eyebrows making his levels of pain a little harder to read?
But either way, its exactly what we need. A calm steady hand. Remember it’s a marathon not a sprint.
Altitude of Gratitude
With that in mind, instead of focusing on the pain of this defeat, lets just remember to focus on the good. The things we are grateful for. It is Thanksgiving week afterall. Let the Denver altitude change also give us an attitude change. An Attitude of Gratitude.
Let us be thankful we are still firmly in the playoff hunt. Let’s be thankful we finally have a competitive defense and that we have a team definitely capable of making the playoffs. We are thankful for Coach Kevin O’Connell who, speaking of fixing Apollo 13’s with random parts on a table, seems to be able to build a competitive team out of leftover parts and duct tape and our new Vikings FRIENDS Brandon Powell, Khyiris Tonga and Ty Chandler (Bing) and guys we had never heard of before this year.
We are thankful that we have a new QB that is smart and mobile, and zen and that provides us some hope, and that even if he doesn’t lead us to a Super Bowl, maybe can at least lead us to some spiritual enlightement on the journey on the way. Is that why he wears the #15? Is Joshua Dobbs angling to replace the current 14th Dalai Lama and be the 15th Dobby Lama incarnation?
We can’t say for sure. But we are thankful to have him and at this point to be at 6-5 after a dire beginning to our season. To still have a reason to tune in on Sundays.
We are also thankful for Josh Dobbs’s dad, Robert Dobbs, who cameras frequently cut to Sunday night looking like a Zen master himself up in the stands. Plus the fact that his name Robert Dobbs has us wondering if he goes by Mr. Rob Dobbs. Or even sometime Mr. Bob Dobbs aka Mista Dobalina, Mr. Bob Dobalina.
Mr. Dobalina Mr. Bob Dobby Lama.
So with that, and with our 5-game win streak prediction in the books and offically concluded, let us indulge you with a new prediction.
It’s safe to assume that if we were to poll Vikings fans on the best seasons in Viking history, coming closely after the 4 Super Bowl appearance seasons in the early 1970’s, most Viking fans would agree the next best seasons would be the 1998 season in which the Vikings went 15-1 before losing the Atlanta Falcons in the Conference Championship, followed by the Minnesota Miracle season of 2017, a 13-3 season concluding with a loss to the Eagles in the Conference Championship. What do those two seasons have in common? Besides bothing being ended by Bird teams? Both seasons started with different QB1’s who were replaced by more mobile QB’s that would go on to lead both teams on an improbable run. The 1998 season starting with Brad Johnson who was replaced by Randall Cunningham in the 2nd game of the season, and 2017 starting with Sam Bradord who was replaced by Case Keenum also early in the season. Both changes due to QB injuries.
This 2023 has a little of that feeling doesn’t it? The feeling of improbable fortune after unexpected misfortune. A season where we ride an improbable win streak deep into the playoffs, only to be ousted again by yet another bird team. Could this time be a Super Bowl appearance and perhaps a soul crushing loss to another bird team, perhaps the Ravens in the AFC in the Super Bowl?
“We’ll See”
We’ll See Indeed.
Happy Thanksgiving All!!!
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