The Thrill Is Back – 5 Ways to Celebrate Kirill Kaprizov’s Return.
The State of Hockey can officially celebrate the return of its newborn king after serious concerns the franchise may not see Kirill Kaprizov back in the United States. He seemed trapped visiting his home country after an alleged military violation in Russia – which happens to be tied up in a “special military operation” with Ukraine.
Take a sigh of relief Wild fans. The last few months didn’t look promising, but the highlight reel is back in the Twin Cities and everyone can do what comes naturally, take a breath and celebrate. At Pulltab Sports we think this celebration should be taken seriously and have a few recommendations how you can rightfully rejoice 97’s return to Minnesota.
Five Ways to Celebrate the Return of Kirill Kaprizov:
1 – Slay a Fatted Calf
We start with one of the biggest ways to celebrate for many reasons. First off, finding a legit fatted calf takes meticulous planning and a lot of effort. Do you do Costco? They always have great meat. Probably not, but 97 is a player of Biblical proportions, literally, so we should probably figure out what slaying a fatted calf looks like in 2022.
Going through the entire process of locating and cooking a fatted calf would certainly show you REALLY do care that Kaprizov is back. Part of the planning includes finding a nearby rancher to source the meat (hey, Matters Farm to Table even has hormone and antibiotic free!), working out the delivery, and setting up your roast. Other than that, it’s easy. For folks in Minnesota and Wisconsin, try a meat raffle.
Based on the first few seasons of his career, Kiril is heading in the right direction to become the GOAT for the Minnesota Wild (settle down, I know it’s early, just follow me). If you can’t find a fatted calf, maybe substitute a goat? Here is an instructional video for roasting a goat on a spit.
2 – Have a 97 Party
Start the party by drinking 97 beers. My only question is, would you drink 97 of the same kind of beer, or 97 different beers? In this case, by the time you are done it won’t matter. Some of the top billboard hits of 1997 that seem relevant to Kaprizov’s magnificent return, include Jewel’s “You Were Meant for Me,” Toni Braxton’s “Un-Break my Heart” (just happened), and Mark Morrison’s “Return of the Mack.” You can’t go wrong with beer and great music. Make sure you rep some Kaprizov gear for your shindig.
3 – I love Scotch…. Scotch, Scotch, Scotch
For those that prefer to have more upscale celebration, it’s time for Ron Burgundy’s favorite alcoholic beverage, Scotch. But to truly celebrate such a fan-anxiety-riddled-the-hope-of-our-entire-franchise-might-become-a-political-prisoner-worry coming to an end, it should be top shelf scotch and from 1997. Which, if you do your math correctly, is a 25-year aged scotch. According to liquor.com, the Glenfarclas 25-year old is regarded as one of the best 25-year aged scotches in 2022. Click here to find it on Drizly.
4 – Take a Mohawk Turn at the Barber
The Kaprizov mohawk turn is a Kirill deke well known to Wild fans and yet something opposing NHL defenses have yet to solve. There is no way we could leave out anything that has to do with hockey hair, or at least sounds like it does. Since most fans can’t do the Kaprizov mohawk during the last month of summer, there is a “cooler” option. Rock an actual mohawk to rejoice that 97 is once again stateside.
5 – Be Russian for a Day
Celebrate Kaprizov’s heritage and do some “Russian” activities, such as drinking vodka, wear a ushanka, whipping up some Pelmini (usually cooked for special occasions), or eating fish wrapped in newspaper while sitting on a bench. As far as Russian vodkas go, here are some of the best rated. Finding Russian vodka may be a bit of a challenge in certain parts of the world, but where there is a Kirill, there is a way.
If none of these five celebrations appeal to you, you could always just shoot a gun in the air. While this celly trends more Middle East than Eastern Bloc, there’s something electric about screaming “Aye Yai Yai” while firing rounds into the sky.
Note: Pulltab Sports doesn’t recommend using firearms. So don’t do this, but if you did . . .do it in an empty field . . .actually, just don’t do it.
Finishing with a random tangent, what would you be doing if Kirill was NOT able to return from Russia? Probably sliding into depression for a week straight as we begin to accept the season might not be what we thought. It’s so easy as a Minnesota sports fan to go down the rabbit hole known as the dark side.
Well, good news! Minnesota Wild fans have already avoided the first big “suck” of the upcoming season. Because our beautiful Russian boy has kissed the ground and is back home. So, please make time for a quick celebration before training camp ramps up in September. Welcome home, Kirill.
