THE ONLY ARTICLE EVERY HOCKEY PARENT SHOULD READ
It’s no secret hockey parents are the craziest of them all. In fact, you could argue that youth hockey (maybe all the way through high school) is controlled by the parents.
Why? Because they all want their kid’s hockey dreams to be realized. And who are they to stand in the way of those dreams even if it makes them do unexplainable things, or maybe sometimes they misinterpret their own dreams for their kid’s dreams.
A buddy once put it succinctly for me, “There is no stronger drug in the world,” he said, “it’s stronger than cocaine, heroin, anything, than when someone tells you that your kid is special.”
This explains why present-day hockey player’s resumes can sometimes resemble the NCAA transfer portal, and why you’ll find countless parent’s driving their kids across town to be on the ice by 6 a.m. for Breakfast Club stickhandling training. And by the looks of all the high-tech hockey contraptions on display at last weekend’s Let’s Play Hockey Expo, things only look to be getting more extreme. It won’t be long when you’ll just strap up your Mite in the garage like the NSYNC marionette music video and he’ll be forced to train until you literally let him down off the hook.
Well, what if I told you, it was way easier to reach the pinnacle of your kid’s hockey journey? What if we had the definitive hockey parent hack to share with you here at Pulltab Sports? Is that something you might be interested in?
To make life easier for you sicko hockey parents we did a thorough analysis of this year’s Boy’s State Tournament rosters to see if there were any patterns . . .to the names.
What's in a name?
Sure, Billy Shakespeare famously claimed, “that which we call a rose by any other name would smell just as sweet.” And he did have a decent mullet.
But what did Shakespeare really know about hockey? He was British, and I heard his kid was “a tough carry” on the Blueline, a total bender.
Our exhaustive naming research from the Minnesota State tournament revealed 3 things:
#1 It’s possible just to have a sweet hockey name, period.
Peruse through this year’s roster for the boy’s state hockey tournament and you’ll see some real gems. Generally, it’s never a bad idea to give your kid a name that is derived from hockey equipment, something like Easton or Bauer is always good. And while it might be confusing with the Starbucks barista, CCM could be a nice first name too.
Something super alpha like Maverick (or Maverik), Waylon, Willie, and Nolan are also smart choices. This year did have some all-tournament team caliber names including Mason West from the small town on the West side with a dream, forwards named Tucker Lovejoy and Will Cashin, and a goalie with the last name Walli. We had a Levi Gonnerman, Joey Pipes, Eaton Dezeler, Nolan Longnecker, Garrett Furry, and goalies with the last names Knott, Bacon, and Winter. Or, Mr. Winter, if you’re nasty.
In summary, there are always exceptions to the rule. Sometimes you just have a well-constructed hockey name. But for the rest of us . . .
#2 Alliteration directly correlates to potential greatness.
If you’re not fancy enough to know what alliteration is, we can make the case that having your first and last name start with the same letter is a shortcut to your kid’s hockey dreams.
While you certainly watched Zac Zimmerman light the lamp last week, did you know this year’s State tournament rosters included the likes of Ryan Rockstad, Mason McDonald, Maddox Miller, Blaik Bork, Winston Wright, Finn Forgarty, Sutton Sullivan, Nicholas Nugent, Ben Box, Jaxon Johnson, Cal Conway, and Wyatt Wells? Not to mention our personal first star of the name game, Zach Zins.
To break it down for you, if you want your kid skating in Saint Paul someday, start with the first letter of your last name and see where it takes you with his first name. It’s that easy!
#3 Trust the trends.
The numbers don’t lie. This year’s top name in the tournament: Mason. There were 11 of them including Mr. Hockey himself.
So, if you want your kid to be a star, you might want to consider names like Mason, Brady, Brody, and the rest on this list.
Acting On This Information
Okay, here comes the hard part. Now that you, Crazy Hockey Parent, have this info, what do you do about it? Your kid likely isn’t a kid anymore, so what are the steps?
Well, for starters, we’d suggest you legally change their name for them. You don’t even need to run it by them because, well, they’re a kid and don’t know what’s good for them. You can use this link here to start the name changing process:
https://www.mncourts.gov/Help-Topics/Name-Change.aspx
Sure, it might be a little awkward at first because your kid likely is responding to their current name. But over time, this will be the right choice to reach hockey greatness. To ease the transition, consider something that sounds like their current name.
For instance, if your son’s current name was Jason Miller, you might want to make a switch to something like Mason Miller which both sounds like Jason, hits the alliteration button, and was one of the top name choices in this year’s tournament. Win. Win. Win.
The name change path won’t be easy, it may create some confusion with family, friends, and teachers at school. But I think we can all agree, if your kids have hockey dreams, you should be doing everything in your power to help them reach them.
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