Are We Being So For Real?
Welcome to Twenty Something. This column- written by Caitlyn Garrity– explores the uncharted territory called your 20s. It’s funny, it’s witty, it’s honest.
An Addendum To Facebook Groups
If you’re in a secure relationship or don’t live in a city like Charleston with a Peter Pan infestation that not even Bob Duncan could fix (IYKYK), let me explain a unique community.
Depending on the kind, Facebook groups can be a super helpful resource. As a digital marketer, I help many clients run their Facebook groups to foster intellectual and career conversations and support their business goals. However, as many know, Facebook groups can often become the craziest places you can find legally and freely online.
Some are wacky, like my beloved “Soup Lovers” group, and some are flat-out terrifying, like the Penn State Freshman Parents Group. I’m lucky that my parents did not have Facebook during this period, but to put that group into one sentence: Waspy moms pimping out their Schreyer’s Honor freshman boy with the hopes of him getting more than an engineering internship during college.
I’m here to discuss one particular form of Facebook Group: “Are we dating the same guy?”
Like McDonald's, these groups appear franchised by “girls girls” in various cities. The purpose of these groups is to have an anonymous community where one can post images and descriptions of a boy they are talking to with the simple question, “Are we dating the same guy?
In its essence, it's brilliant. In a digital world, why not use your resources and online community to make sure that the boy buying you dinner (oftentimes, these are not the kind of males buying girls' dinners, but you get the idea) is faithful and worth fully pursuing? A common occurrence in this group is that women flock together to get the tea on guys who might not be telling the full and honest truth.
When I first found out about these, I thought they were hilarious, thankfully not out of necessity. I mean, it’s proof that if you want something said, ask a man, and if you want something done, ask a woman. “Are we dating the same guy?” groups are the legal system America lacks. These women are genuinely forced to be reckoned with, and there is no women-on-women crime in these groups, just women supporting women in any way they can.
No matter how girl-boss I find these groups, it got me thinking. Are we being so f**king for real?
How has romance, courtship, and trust evolved so that we need an anonymous trial for the men in our lives to confirm or deny our suspicions? More so, how have we allowed men to f*** us over to the point that we’ve created a town hall to decide whether or not they’re being truthful? I do believe that technology and access to information at the tap of a button have greatly shaped our modern relationships, good and bad. Instagram followers and likes are on public display, so you can see precisely what a guy’s “type” is and decide if he’s trustworthy based on whether he follows the “Big Three.”
I’m not condemning these groups because, believe it or not, they’ve saved a lot of women from the pain and heartache of getting into bed with dishonest, gross boys (notice my verbiage here). Hey, I’ve always said I advocate for women's rights and wrongs. But where is the boundary for wrong? How has trust evolved? If you have to use a Facebook group as a prerequisite to trust someone with a relationship, what does that say about that relationship AND the relationship you have with yourself regarding men?
We must take a long, hard look at the standards we’ve set as a society for men. He’s good to go as long as he passes the “Is he cheating on me” test on a platform mainly used by politically charged aunts. Is this any different than going through someone’s phone, conducting a federal background check, checking references, doing multiple rounds of interviews, etc.? If the bar is set in hell—Facebook— how much can we expect from this next generation of relationships, marriages, and even passing these behaviors on to the next generation of digital daters?
Editor’s note: I hope some Baby Boomer reads this that often says, “Oh, to be in my twenties again.” Are you sure about that now?
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