MAKE GLOVE NOT W.A.R.— Twins’ Predictions from Game 1 until Game 165.
March 30
The season opens in Kansas City. The Twins don’t have Jorge Polanco or Alex Kirilloff in the Opening Day lineup, but Byron Buxton and Carlos Correa both play. Zack Greinke looks a lot more like 29 years of age than 39 on a brisk day, outdueling Twins Opening Day starter Joe Ryan. Royals win 2-1 as Twins fall to 0-1. Ryan considers growing the luscious locks back out.
April 2
Buxton and Correa play all three games of the three-game set in KC, bolstered by an off day after game 1. Both hit home runs and Sonny Gray pitches six shutout innings in a 4-1 Twins win, their first of the season. Twins are 1-2.
April 4
Twins win their third in a row, with Kenta Maeda pitching a meaningful game for the first time since the 2021 season. He pitches into the fourth inning, and Joey Gallo’s eighth inning single through the non shift is the difference in a 3-2 win. Twins are 3-2.
April 6
Twins home opener postponed by a foot of snow.
April 7
Opener part deaux, with temps in the upper 30’s and a mist in the air. Pablo Lopez dominates the Jose Altuve-less Astros, and Jose Miranda belts a big home run in a 5-1 victory. Twins are 4-3.
April 9
It’s like disco demolition night, as the Twins give away the “M and North Star” hat. The baseball gods don’t agree with the promotion (or the hat). Tyler Mahle’s velocity is down and he lasts just two innings, prompting some concern. Astros 8, Twins 3. Twins are 4-5.
April 16
Twins salvage series finale at Yankee Stadium, but not until the pitching staff gets roughed up in losing the first two games by a combined 17-4 margin. Gilberto Celestino hits an RBI double in the eighth, atoning for forgetting how many outs there were in the seventh. Twins are 7-8.
April 22
It’s Byron Buxton replica jersey night, and Buck is absent for a maintenance day having played two straight games already, with travel. Carlos Correa goes 3-for-4 with a home run and Joe Ryan strikes out 10 in a Twins 7-4 win. Twins are 10-11.
April 26
Twins take 2-of-3 at home from the Yankees, as the Twin Cities media starts asking “is this the year?” Have to get there first. Twins are 13-12.
May 5
Twins begin the season series against the Guardians in Cleveland, wondering what went wrong last year in what was a tight playoff race. Rocco Baldelli tries taking Sonny Gray out with one out in the seventh but he just sits down and refuses to leave. Twins win 4-2. Twins are 17-16.
May 10
Twins are at the .500 mark but have yet to have a full blown bullpen meltdown. That is until Rocco puts Emilio Pagán in a one-run, seventh inning lead, and Juan Soto hits a home run into the upper deck. Twins are 20-17.
May 22
Correa is already dressed for the game but is a late scratch against the San Francisco Giants, the first team that thought they signed him this summer. It’s an ankle injury, you don’t say. Twins are 27-21.
June 1
Surging Twins head into Cleveland with a four-game lead over Cleveland in the Central. Wind up splitting four-game series, Twins are 31-26.
June 13
In first meeting with the Brewers of the season, Royce Lewis makes his return to the major league diamond after his second ACL tear. He plays SS as Correa DH’s. Lewis is 0-for-4 as Milwaukee wins 7-1. Twins are 38-31.
June 25
Twins have played seven of 11 games against the lowly Tigers and are really hitting their stride. Buxton and Correa hit five homers in the three-game set in Detroit. Twins are 45-32.
July 9
The first half ends with the Twins beating the Orioles 4-1. Jhoan Duran hits 100 mph six times in the ninth. Twins are 51-36 as a resurgent Buxton, Correa and Ryan head to the All-Star Game. Minnesota leads the Central by 4.5 games.
July 23
It’s “Back to School Backpack” day at Target Field. On July 23? Max Kepler, tradebait once again, strikes out four times and the kids don’t have much to cheer about. Twins are 52-42, have lost six of seven, division lead down to two games.
July 31
Twins “stand pat” at the deadline as they righted the ship the final week of July. The team is healthy, Buxton and Correa have combined to miss only 13 games. Twins are 56-44 through 100 games, lead the Guardians by three.
August 1
Buxton mysteriously out of lineup after injuring himself jogging in the outfield. The Twins, at least, have Michael Taylor as a viable alternative unlike the 2022 season.
August 5
Buxton returns from bilateral leg weakness, ironically on the night Joe Mauer is inducted into the Twins Hall of Fame. Twins are 58-49.
August 23
Twins sweep two games in Milwaukee. Correa hits his 25th home run and finally a signature moment for the SS. His ninth inning grand slam gives the Twins the lead, then makes a diving catch to secure the win in the bottom half. Twins are 65-56.
September 6
Twins entered a three-game series in Cleveland with a chance to bury the Guardians, who instead sweep to get within 1.5 games. Flashbacks of the 2022 late summer swoon flash in their heads. The MLB hates the Central Division so much, this is the last matchup between the teams.
September 8
It’s All You Can Eat night at Target Field, and that includes crow from the Mets, who watch Correa drive in eight runs in three games against the second team that let him walk away.
September 24
Twins bullpen blows a five run lead against the Angels. Twins are 88-68 with six games left and lead the Guardians by a game.
September 29
Twins win fourth straight, winning 14-11 at Colorado in a good old Coors Field throwback. Magic number to win the division is down to two.
September 30
Twins on losing end of a 17-12 game in Denver. Tied with Cleveland entering the season’s final day. Loser does not have a good enough record for the Wild Card.
October 1
Joe Ryan caps off an 18-win season with seven shutout innings, Jose Miranda hits his 30th home run of the season and the Twins win the division as Cleveland loses against Detroit. Twins are 92-70.
October 4
Twins open up playoffs at Yankee Stadium, lose 7-4, as Pablo Lopez gets rocked.
October 8
Yankees complete the three-game sweep of the Twins in Minneapolis, meaning Minnesota still hasn’t won a playoff game since Oct. 5, 2004.
Ryan Stanzel is a PR pro and freelance content creator based in the East Metro. Follow him on Twitter or e-mail him here.
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