Where You Sit at a Bar Says a Lot About You
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Have you ever walked into a bar and wondered where’s the best place to hang out? The truth is, where you sit says a lot about who you are. So, forget the personality tests like Myers-Briggs and start thinking more about where you drink your Miller beers.
Middle of the Bar
Well, hello there, life-of-the-party. Sitting up at the middle of the bar, obviously means you’re very social and love the action of people all around you. It also probably means you’re a bit of a know-it-all. From dating advice to sports scores, hot pull tab boxes and how to get the bartender’s attention—you’re the Mayor of Drunkenville, laying down the law for all your loser constituents.
Very End of the Bar
Bellied up at either end of the bar is telling. While you like being a part of the action, you lack the confidence to mingle with everyone at the middle of the bar. Maybe you’re new in town and are afraid you’re going to take the regular seat of a Hells Angel. But just know, you should make an acquaintance quick, because being a loner at the far end is giving serious serial killer vibes.
L-Shaped Corner
Sitting at the 90° angle of any L-shaped or squared off bar means you have things you need to get off your chest. Maybe you weren’t planning on sharing your life story, but this spot at the bar will bring it out of you. Bellied up, four whiskeys deep, making constant quarter-eye-contact from your bar mate will have you spilling secrets like you’re in a church confessional. Good luck to the surrogate therapist on the other side of the corner, who now has to give you advice on things like how to deal with your long-lost son who you just discovered you thanks to 23andMe.
High-Top Table
Sitting at a high-top table means you’re well-balanced in life. You want the fun and action of the bar scene, but maybe not all the baggage that comes with it—such as helping a drunken regular dig a murder-hole. Personal space is important to you and your friends who just want to watch a game without listening to how some degenerate almost hit a home run in slow pitch softball.
Back Booth
If you’re at a bar sitting at a back booth, you’re either an alcoholic who tricked your family into going to a bar, or you’re conducting secret business. Hopefully it’s the latter, otherwise take your ass to Applebee’s like a normal loser. If you are doing some shady business, the more power to you. A booth is the perfect place to scope out the room or slide some loot under the table—even if you’re only there to pay off your kid’s hockey coach for rigging tryouts.
Standard Table
Unless you’re with a large group of people that need extra seating, choosing a standard-height, stand-alone table most likely means you’re a person who can’t make a decision. Choosing between a booth, high top or bar stool was too overwhelming and now you’re stuck in the awkward middle ground, feeling like you’re at a Cracker Barrel waiting for your western omelet.
Patio
It’s not really fair to analyze people who just want to enjoy a nice day outside on a patio—other than to say that you’re most likely elitist snobs who think you’re better than everyone else. It’s as if only you deserve the health benefits of fresh air and sunlight, while others are relegated to the stuffy darkness of a depressing bar. Little do you know on the other side of that patio fence is the entire parking brimming with carbon dioxide. And if that doesn’t kill you, your not-so-secret vaping addition surely will.
Your Bar-sonality Test is Complete
We hope reading this article helped you learned a little bit about yourself and others. And remember this: No matter where you sit at a bar, you’re going to have fun, meet new people, create memories—and more than likely wake up the next day feeling shitty about yourself for spending your entire day inside of a bar.
