MAKE GLOVE NOT W.A.R.— You’ve Got Twins Questions.
I have answers.
Q: Is this the most Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde team in baseball history?
A: It’s maddening isn’t it? One day you come within one out of getting no-hit on national television, the next you play one of your most sound games of the year, play like your lives depend on it, and beat the same team like a drum with your now second-winningest pitcher (Dylan Bundy, who’da thunk?) on the mound.
Simply put there’s just no rhyme or reason to when the Twins do, or don’t show up. Byron Buxton’s been out for a month. It’s not like that’s a distraction anymore. Sure they’ve had more injuries. Everyone does. It does seem like the Twins have to work so hard to scratch and claw to get a run across, when they give up runs after that they just can’t handle the disappointment.
This whole season isn’t Rocco Baldelli’s fault. The front office got him these players. But you do have to wonder with these constant streaks of bad (and some good) baseball, whether he has control of this locker room at all. Is he running a yoga retreat or a playoff caliber baseball team? I’m not saying they go all Tony LaRussa, but whenever Baldelli goes to greener pastures, I’d expect a manager who’s a little more interested in showing up to batting practice.
Rocco berating an umpire, is blue him why his team is underperforming?
Q: What the hell did we get for Correa for $35 million this year?
A: I stumbled into the most exciting MLB post-season plays of 2021. And I see this “It’s my time!” clip of Correa going yard and pointing at his watch. Where in the hell is this guy? Who is this guy? We seem to have “Uncle Carlos,” content to be great in the field and spend the rest of the day on the rocking chair. Where is the fire, the mojo. Is he robbing us blind and no one cares? Should we throw batteries at him like Knoblauch?
Okay, let’s not get carried away. We can stay a little Minnesota nice. Can you imagine if Twitter was around in the days of Chuck Knoblauch demanding a trade out of here, and on the infamous dollar dog night when he returned with the Yankees (related, aren’t dollar dogs typically just as hard as batteries?)
Chuck Knoblauch making one of his final good throws from 2B.
There’s no doubt the Twins have not gotten their money’s worth with Correa. Even with an All-Star season, would there be such a thing as money’s worth at $35 million a year?
Can you tell me a “Carlos Correa” moment from this season? He did go yard in a scoreless game against the White Sox on Sunday. The cat has driven in FORTY FIVE runs. Now, that’s on the whole offense, too. But Correa is 5-for-34 with runners in scoring position and two outs. Five hits all year! He’s also not the most patient batter in the world—he’s seen only four 2-0 counts this season.
Clearly he’s a better player than he’s shown. But how good is Correa REALLY? Is he a good No. 2 or No. 3 guy on the team? He’s got to show more to me before he can be “the guy”.
Q: Jake Cave’s walk-up music is “First Class” by Jack Harlow. Feels weird.
A: “First Class” is definitely a little risque for a man of Cave’s nearing-retirement age. Wait, Jake Cave is…checks Twins media guide…29 years old? Still feels weird. It’s a family game. But if he keeps up his play of the last month, he can walk out to Alice in Chains.
This man was apparently born in 1992.
Q: How good can Miranda be? You don’t have to be too far down the Miranda rabbit hole to see the world Pujols. Can he be that good? An Albert type player? He’s definitely our most reliable player.
A: First off, the Twins better hope in five years that Jose Miranda isn’t saying “In New York I’m a new man.” Let’s not crown him the next Albert Pujols yet, but he certainly has every opportunity to. The spotlight doesn’t seem too big for him (what we call a spotlight in Minnesota anyways). He’s still got one other big gun in the lineup. I’d love to see a full season of Buxton, Correa and Miranda 2-3-4 in the lineup (who wouldn’t?)
Q: Is it officially called a Pagán Ritual to give up middle inning home runs? Or do you still need to sacrifice a chicken?
A: Can we talk for a minute on where this team would be if the manager didn’t continually go to Emilio Pagán in “high leverage” situations this year? The Pagán Ritual is allowing almost 1.5 baserunners per inning pitched - and he’s not very good when inheriting runners either. He’s arbitration eligible in 2023 - I’d like to be in meetings when the Twins decide what to offer him (and whether they’ll throw in peanuts of pretzels as part of the deal).
Q: Why are Buxton and Arraez wearing red belts? I’m fairly certain they got them at the All-Star Game, but are they meant to be worn once they are back or are they basically sneaking thenm into the uni. What do the other players think?
A: A VERY popular question at Pulltab Sports HQ. We’ve asked everyone we know - a reporter and a couple team employees and no one seems to know, or at the very least willing to tell some blogger. We’ll keep asking this question. It certainly wouldn’t be allowed in the NFL.
In the meantime, it does appear that Buxton wore the red belt even before the All-Star Game. The “Nokoma Showbelt” is available online. If the Pulltab office is reading (not sure they do), maybe I’ll ship one to the office for you. 40 inch waist?
Q: Do the Twins have the pop to a) even make the playoffs or b) win when we get there? Our offense seems anemic. No punch or pop. And we don’t run and play piranha ball like Gladden thinks we should. We have decent pitching and hit some singles and lose. Yuck.
A: I wish I could say no. But you know what? This pathetic AL Central race will go down to the season’s final days. A team at the .500 mark has as good a chance as any at this point. All it would take is one good run to get there. What if Correa gets hot? What if the bullpen is good for a two-week stretch?
As far as making much of an impact in October, it’s hard to imagine. But remember, this team won’t have to face the Yankees or the Astros in round one. They’d be the third seed in the expanded MLB playoffs, drawing the last wild card team (probably Seattle, Toronto or Tampa Bay). Now, those teams all have much better records than the Twins. But Minnesota would get to host all three games. Can Tyler Mahle be healthy by then after a second injured list stint with a shoulder issue?? Only time will tell. Until then, just to be safe—probably smart to sacrifice a live chicken. Perhaps a red belt can could come in handy.
Ryan Stanzel is a PR pro and freelance content creator based in the East Metro. Follow him on Twitter or e-mail him here.
