C-Notes: The Mitten No Match For #1 Gophers Midas Touch.
“The mitten” was no match for Midas, as the Golden Gophers recent tour of Michigan included sweeps of both the Michigan State Spartans and the University of Michigan Wolverines to push their impeccable resume to 8-0. Minnesota is currently ranked #1 in the country in both the USCHO and USA Hockey Magazine polls, and have never trailed in a game this season.
Go ahead and read that first paragraph again. The next phase of the B1G 10 schedule hasn’t been released. You have time.
“The Mitten” was no match for Midas.
The truth is Gopher fans don’t know exactly how to react to this resurgence. Can we pop our collars and return to some form of measured arrogance? Because if we’re being honest, arrogance was always baked into the mystique of Gopher hockey. Gopher hockey was always more like Notre Dame football than, say, Alabama football. Look no further than the Gophers meager five National titles over one hundred seasons—and it’s easy to see this storied program, well, could use a few more “happily ever after” stories.
The Michigan Wolverines do have nine National Championships (most of anyone), and Denver and the hated North Dakota Fighting Hawks have eight. Okay, let’s just get it all out there. Even the damn Wisconsin Badgers have six titles. And while it’s still early, it’s irrefutable the Gophers are off to a golden start. Actually, it’s been a pristine start. And by all accounts this Gopher team seems to be undeniably likeable. So, yes, let’s get a little arrogant. Let’s say weird things like, “It’s good to see the hockey universe return to its natural order.” Or maybe a weird flex, acting like we expected this, “It was only a matter of time.” Or maybe mix in a, “It’s great to see us getting back to Gopher hockey.”
But more importantly, what do we do now? Let’s talk about where we go from here.
Mask matters
Go ahead and type YELLOW SNOW COLORED NURSE MASK into Google or Amazon. You won’t find one. Hockey coaches across the country have made a run on what’s being referred to as “Bob’s Bonnet” —as yellow snow colored nurse masks are sold out coast to coast. Motzko’s mask has become the Princess Di beanie baby of PPE.
Check the search history of any coach in the B1G 10, and you’ll see them shopping for Motzko’s sold-out mask.
It’s safe to assume that Motzko hasn’t changed his same light-yellow mask since the start of the season. Which means his mask probably carries the stench of 2 cups of dark roast strong enough to remind you of your 5th grade history teacher’s breath by now. But it brings up an important question. What do we do if Bob’s lucky yellow mask tears or gets damaged? What’s the contingency plan here?
We think the move is to play offense not defense. So, while the yellow snow mask has helped us get to 8-0, we believe now is the moment for Motzo to upgrade to a gold mask complete with sequins. This disco ball delight would send a signal from the start. If Motzko was wearing that gold sequin mask, he might actually become the first coach to get refs to change their calls as they become hypnotized by his aura, “These aren’t the droids I’m looking for.”
Despite the hot start, it’s time for Motzko to get golden with his PPE.
Another selfish second half of the season request is more Brock Faber in glasses. Maybe he puts them on for between period interviews, or for warm-ups. He already has the great name, Brock Faber, and now he’s adding the glasses. This kid is singlehandedly bringing Vineyard Vines to the blueline. Here’s to hoping he will mix the Carlton dance into his cellys.
You’re really going to try and toe-drag this kid? Really?
I’ve been on a text thread for these first eight games. It’s a Gopher text thread with a lot of buddies from my beer league hockey team. We needed something to do as the lockdown had locked us out of our weekly Tuesday night skates. We decided to adopt the Gophers and their quirky 4 games in 6 days schedule pods. We had nothing else going on.
If I search my text history, I think the three words that were probably sent more than any others were:
SCOTT REEDY F*CKS
Yep. Scrolling through the thread, there it is again.
SCOTT REEDY F*CKS.
The big brother of the Gopher forwards, Mr. Scott Reedy.
This text would usually come out when Reedy had tipped in another one of his team leading six goals. Yes, Reedy seems like the Darrel “Darry” Curtis, Patrick Swayze’s character in the Outsiders. The Senior Reedy is like the older brother of this highly talented forward group. Off the ice, he seems like the guy who’d make sure your name is on the list for the Kollege Klub in Dinkytown. On the ice, Reedy is so comfortable in the dirty areas he actually keeps a tin and spitter on top of the opposing team’s net. Reedy even occasionaly rinses with the goalie’s water bottle. Instead of getting upset, the opposing goalies usually just say, “Can I get you anything else, Mr. Reedy?” As they should.
Reedy in his office.
Paging Doctor Delano! Paging Doctor Delano!
Someone get Ben Myers a pair of scrubs. We need to discuss the Gophers’ super Sophomore. Yes, I said sophomore. For anyone watching games this year, Myers looks more like a 27-year old forward from Lake Superior State in the mid ‘90s. Two words: Man Child. When the Gophers lost their three best puck moving defenseman to the World Juniors for the Michigan series, Myers was carrying the puck up the ice like a one-man breakout and lasering pucks into the net like he’d been wrist curling VW Jettas. If Doctor Delano keeps this up, this undrafted super freak looks like he’s prepping himself for a leisurely tour of all thirty-two NHL teams when he (or they) have decided he’s done with college hockey. For Gopher fans, let’s hope that’s not soon.
Super sophomore Ben Myers.
Red, White, and Blueliners
The Gophers trip of puck moving defenseman: Jackson “Honey” Lacombe, Ryan Johnson, and Brock Faber were summoned to play for Team USA in the World Juniors starting on Christmas Day. The absence of these three studs had more than a few Gopher fans twitchy before the Michigan series. To be fair, the Wolverines were also missing five forwards of their own to the World Juniors. That said, it’s been eye opening to realize that the primary issue behind the Gophers recent dip these past few years appears to have been a lack of puck moving defensemen like we used to take for granted: Mike Crowley, Keith Ballard, Paul Martin, Jordan Leopold, etc.
What was particularly rewarding against Michigan was seeing the rise of freshman Mike Koster. Many fans were surprised, thinking Koster was a one hit wonder who found a nice goal like the replacements who fill rosters for the annual holiday tournament. Quite the contrary, Koster is a testament to the Gophers depth on the backend. Mr. Mike Koster should be officially listed in your programs as tape-to-tape passing, puck moving defenseman #4 for the Gophers. He just happens to be pushed down the roster when the World Juniors trio are back in town.
The Gophers once again have real depth and high-end skill on the back end.
Gold is G.O.A.T.
While both Minnesota and Michigan can whine about losing guys to the world juniors, those games were over before they started. Did you see the heinous sweaters the Wolverines were wearing?! Dear Lord, what happened there? How do you turn one of the most iconic uniforms and brands in all of sports, and make a new jersey design that looks like they tossed a yellow highlighter in the washing machine with their sweaters? The cream jersey with the disconnected neon yellow stripes might be as bad as the Gophers new white and gold jerseys are good.
The Wolverines also added some new jerseys. Yuck.
Laffer didn’t cry, he had something in his eye.
Understandably it’s always emotional when former Wolverine Jack “Laffer” Lafontaine goes back to Ann Arbor, but this trip finally broke the Senior as he appeared to be in tears after sweeping his former team. But after further review, we’ve learned that Mr. Five Hundred Minutes and his .965 Save Percentage and 1.00 GAA just had something in his eye. He had something in his eye.
He has something in his eye. End of story.
The right recipe?
Despite the fact that they also look good in gold, Gopher hockey doesn’t want to be Notre Dame football. No, Gopher fans are hungry for some proper SEC style domination. And it all comes down to those elusive National Championships, and that glorious brown rectangle trophy has been as elusive to the Gophers as the monolith.
While National Championships can be hard to find, they’re all that matters in college hockey.
Part of the reason Motzko was such an enticing hire was that he’s never won a National Championship as a head coach. He did it as an assistant with the Gophers, but he still has that hunger of wanting his first title as bench boss.
What’s most refreshing about restoring the Rah, and these resurgent Gophers, is that people are actually defending them online. When a few sites dared rank the Gophers #3, people fired back in the comments arguing in favor of the maroon and gold. When is the last time that happened? Defending the Gophers is a welcome change from the B1G 10 bashing and trolling of empty Mariucci that had become the norm online. And while the truth is we don’t really know if the Gophers are as good as North Dakota, Minnesota Duluth, or Boston College yet—it sure has been a great start.
Yes, we’ve enjoyed these 8 blissful games and this perfect start. My group text has been running on overdrive sharing pics of Motzko’s mask, Scott Reedy memes, Munson’s mustache, and special teams stats so good they’ll give you an ice cream headache.
And after the final victory sealed the sweep over the Wolverines, finally someone just wrote in the thread:
GOPHERS F*CK.
Let’s hope they’re right.
Only time will tell if these Gophers are for real.
