If The Minnesota Wild Was Yellowstone.
It’s no secret there is something different about the 2021-22 edition of the Minnesota Wild. It appears to be a team free of cliques and hierarchies, with an inclusive locker room where everyone has a voice. The team seems to genuinely like each other, and the fanbase likes them because they like each other. Jersey sales and TV ratings are up because it’s easy to get behind a team that plays for each other.
At a time when the Wild seemed to have formed a new and strong brotherhood amongst themselves, we thought it might be fitting to compare the Wild’s renewed loyalty and brotherhood with another place built on these same ingredients—the Yellowstone TV series. We can promise you that no one on planet earth has spent more time this week contemplating which character each player on the Minnesota Wild would be if they were on the hit TV series.
Before you dismiss this as meaningless gonzo journalism, please consider the parallels between the Wild and Yellowstone. With the Wild’s considerable dead salary cap on the books the next few years from the Zach Parise and Ryan Suter buyouts, the players we have now are the guys that are going to be with us for a while. They have to stay, and we need them to be good. And while the current batch of Wild players may not wear a brand with the Wild logo just yet, similar to the guys on the Yellowstone ranch—no one is going to be coming or going in the foreseeable future, so you mine as well buy-in.
Okay, let’s get into it. Let’s dissect which character on Yellowstone each Wild player would be. As the cowboys say, Giddy’up!
John Dutton = Bill Guerin
We’re starting with an easy one. While Wild GM Billy Guerin may not wear a letter or even a jersey, he is clearly the guy warming up the branding iron. Like John Dutton on the Yellowstone ranch, Billy G. is the true leader of the Wild, and his players will do the things that need to be done to prove their loyalty to him. This Parise and Suter buyouts this summer show that Guerin isn’t afraid to personally slaughter a few sacred cows along the way. It’s crystal clear that the Wild’s version of John Dutton, Billy G., is the guy running the show in Saint Paul.
Beth Dutton = Kirill Kaprizov
Hear us out. We know Beth is a redheaded wildcard, and Kaprizov is a Russian superstar. She’s a girl, he’s a boy. Yes, we can do the math. But like Beth, Kaprizov is a firecracker. He’s the closest thing this roster has to a Marlboro red colored Ferrari. And while passive aggressive Minnesota sport fans are biting their nails weighing Kaprizov’s performance since signing his big contract—the truth is, it’s our issue.
Kaprizov will be good. The real issue is Minnesota sports fans have no idea what to do with nice things. We see the cherry red Ferrari with #97 on the hood and we immediately start hand wringing wondering if it’s too low profile for the winter weather, before worrying if that color will be easy to keep clean. Minnesota sports fans ruin great thing by making them like us, instead of appreciating them for what they are.
Yes, just like Beth Dutton—Kaprizov is misunderstood, unpredictable and exciting. Is the Russian a stone-cold killer like Beth? Only time will tell. But just like John Dutton trusts his daughter for the biggest moments in his family, Billy G. pushed all of his chips in on his own spitfire #97. Plus, they have nearly identical headshots.
Rip Wheeler = Marcus Foligno
This one is a no brainer. Power forward Foligno is a throwback type player who already has 10 points, 38 penalty minutes, and 1 superman punch this season. Moose is a soft spoken, and kind-hearted mountain of a man willing to do the things that need to be done to keep the entire Wild ranch. . .err roster safe. Sound familiar?
Kayce Dutton = Mats Zuccarello
At 34 years old, Zuccarello is the WIld’s seasoned veteran. Just like Kayce, he’s the guy Guerin can trust to put on the ghillie suit and hide out near the rookie party to make sure nothing goes astray. Not only does Zuccarello have the flow like Kayce, but he also has the game experience to make sure everyone knows how things are done around here. A true pros pro, Zuccarello is another clear leader of the Wild’s Dutton clan.
Jamie Dutton = Victor Rask
Every team has a whipping boy, and it’s usually not that players fault. It’s often a product of laziness by the fan base, more than it is truly performance based. Like Filip Kuba years ago, for whatever reason Victor Rask is now the guy Wild fans like to give a hard time. But the truth is, just like Yellowstone’s Jamie Dutton, we don’t really even know if Rask is good or bad. We just know he’s going to get the blame most of the time. Honorable mention to Matt Dumba, who also gets more than his fair share of grief from the green and red faithful.
Tate Dutton = Jared Spurgeon
Like young Tate Dutton on Yellowstone, Captain Spurgeon is the Wild’s baby faced assassin ready to pull the trigger when you need it. Spurgeon may be small, but just like Tate he will get the job done. Unlike Tate, it doesn’t appear Spurgy has any PTSD, or sleeps under the bed.
Jimmy Hurdstrom = Joel Eriksson Ek
For these last few, we’re heading into Yellowstone’s infamous bunk house. We start with Jimmy—a character who loves what he does for a living, but he keeps getting the crap beaten out of him as he tries to do the thing he loves. Like Jimmy, Eriksson Ek hasn’t met an opponent in the NHL that doesn’t want to punch him in the face, start a scrum, or at least give him the stinky glove treatment. Yes, Eriksson Ek is the Wild’s love-able but constantly beaten down version of bunkhouse Jimmy (minus the neck brace).
Walker = Kevin Fiala
Walker is the good looking guy in the bunkhouse played by actual country music star Ryan Bingham. Walker is a drifter who is new to the ranch, and we’re not sure how long he’s going to stay because Yellowstone hasn’t committed to him long term. Sound like anyone else you know?
Ryan = Ryan Hartman
Our own Ryan Hartman has the square jaw, wardrobe, and tobacco tins required to move into the Yellowstone bunkhouse tomorrow. What character on Yellowstone would the best value on the Wild roster—the “38 Special” Hartman be? It turns out our Ryan would be none other than bunkhouse Ryan, the salt of the earth role player that shows up each morning ready and willing to do his job. And do it well.
Colby = Jordan Greenway
We finish with another bunkhouse staple, Colby. Just like Colby we can see Big Rig diving into a bunkhouse game of Texas Hold ‘Em that lasts until sunrise. He has the laugh, the facial hair, and the demeanor to play the role of Colby on the Wild’s version of Yellowstone.
