The Apex of American Arrogance: The Ryder Cup Was The Most American Loss Ever⛳️
A week has passed since the U.S. lost the Ryder Cup, but I’ve finally put a finger on why this ass kicking was more painful than most: It felt like a casserole of American cliches at their worst. Lazy Americans. Tacky Americans. Clueless Americans. Arrogant Americans. All mixed together in one gross loss.
America lost the Ryder Cup in Europe. Again. For 30+ years now, America has failed to win on foreign soil. And after every single one, there’s hand-wringing and captain blaming and task force forming and whatever supposed “cure-all” moves the PGA decides to take that time.
But this one feels different. Instead of the normal “we’ve failed again and we need to make changes” discourse, the U.S. has acted and talked as if they also came in first. Look, I’m a big believer in our American grit and I think the bro-y nature of the current American team is an advantage. But the destruction in Italy has been at complete odds with how the team played, talked, and acted.
Instead of owning the loss or looking for answers, the most annoying-but-maybe-true American cliches were on full display:
Lazy Americans. While the Euros were getting warm at a DP World Tour event the week prior, the Americans were…. resting. In fact, they must have been getting rest from all their rest, because it turns out most of them hadn’t played an event in five weeks. Nothing screams American laziness (and arrogance) as loudly as, “Yeah, we got this.” Meanwhile, the Euros (mostly) all played in the DP World Tour BMW Championship and had seven people in the Top 10. It’s hard to know if the event helped Europe get warm, but Hatton, Rahm, Hovland, Fleetwood, Rory, Ludvig, and Straka certainly didn’t come in cold.
(Not pictured in the leaderboard: Sepp Straka in 10th.)
Tacky Americans. There was a caddie—A FUCKING CADDIE!!—acting like an asshat without a hat on the greens. I cannot get over the stupid tackiness of whatever the hell Joe LaCava was doing. Absolutely bonkers level of tacky, meaningless American posturing.
Clueless Americans. Speaking of hats, the hatless wonder Patrick Cantlay (a matchplay badass, full stop) got married the Monday after the Ryder Cup. What? Is that the worst planning ever? This guy summed the absurdity of it all up better than I can. I’d ask why his teammates didn’t talk him out of this, but based on his instagram photos, none of them were invited? (Fact check: Justin Thomas was there. Xander had to be, right? Right??)
Arrogant Americans. In Remember the Titans, Julius Campbell told us that “Attitude reflects leadership, captain.” Well, the American’s good ol’ Iowa corncob captain did his worst midwestern translation of cocky and cool. How is it possible to be this corny and somehow this cocky all at once??
Three incredible moments underscored the bonkers levels of arrogance ZJ displayed as captain:
1. How about some bad arrogance as a first impression? Johnson was clearly impressed with himself during the opening ceremonies when he offered up a pathetic attempt at some Italian, filled with butchered names and a shit-eating “look at me try this” smirk.
And that would’ve been embarrassing on its own, until Luke Donald — from Hertfordshire, England with homes in Illinois and Florida— got up and sounded like Pavarotti delivering a motivational speech. Not a great look for ZJ.
2. Like a high school golf coach, Johnson decided to take on-course matters into his own hands. More specifically, he took on-course matters OUT of his players hands when he told Jordan Spieth’s not to hit driver and made him hit 3-wood on a crucial tee shot on 16…. which Spieth promptly dumped in the water. Jordan Spieth has won three majors. He was ranked number one in the world for 26 weeks. Yes, he was 0-1-2 at that time, but ZJ should not have that kind of clout.
3. Going into Sunday morning, down five points, Johnson was asked what the U.S. needed to do to win, his response: “[Keep doing] the same thing they’ve done all week.” HE REALLY SAID THAT! About a team down five points headed into the final day, a team that got swept in the first session, a team that had its worst Ryder Day on in history, a team that had a pairing lose 9&7 less than 24 hours earlier, he said TO KEEP DOING THE SAME THING THEY’VE DONE ALL WEEK! What bad college football coach did he take notes watching?? If my toddler shits his pants four times on Friday and Saturday and my wife asks what we’re going to do to get potty training back on track, it won’t be the same thing we’ve done all week! It was the ultimate sign of the clueless American arrogance that plagued his captaincy all week.
In two years, the boisterous fans at Bethpage Black will surely help America swagger their way to another home soil victory. But for now, we’re forced to sit for two years with a loss that feels like the worst version of our American reputation: lazy, tacky, clueless, and arrogant.