Long Distance Relationships Don’t Work–I’m in One
Welcome to Twenty Something. This column- written by Caitlyn Garrity– explores the uncharted territory called your 20s. It’s funny, it’s witty, it’s honest.
Source: Huffington Post
I’m about to share a part of my life that I usually keep private—my relationship with my long-term boyfriend, Andrew. It’s not something I talk about often because I’ve always believed that it’s our business and no one else’s, especially regarding the topic of long distance.
Andrew and I met in college and started dating during our junior year. Typically, a timeline like that spells doom and most couples would have broken up by now. He’s from Pennsylvania, and I’m from Minnesota. While we were in college, we spent almost every day and night together. But now, he’s in Pittsburgh for work, and I’m in Charleston, South Carolina, for mine. Enter the beloved challenge of long distance.
As of a few days ago, we’ve officially been in a long-distance relationship longer than we were in the same city. And let me tell you, I get a lot of side-eye when I mention that my boyfriend is long-distance. I’m 23, living in a lively city, and, if I may say so, not too bad to look at. The judgment is often clear: “Good luck with that” or “Let’s see how long that lasts.”
Shockingly, I kind of agree with them—well, to an extent.
Here’s where I’ll let you in on something. Andrew and I’s long-distance relationship isn’t like most you hear about in your 20s. No, I’m not going to claim we’re madly in love, that he’d never cheat on me, or that we’re destined to get married. The key to our success lies in one simple thing: communication.
From the moment I met Andrew, I realized he approaches relationships differently than most guys his age. He’s a straight shooter. When he says something, he means it. When he makes a promise, he keeps it. And when he has an issue with me, he tells me.
This was a huge adjustment for me compared to past relationships. I used to constantly question people’s honesty, wondering if they had ulterior motives or hidden agendas. With Andrew, we’ve had honest, difficult conversations that have built a foundation of unwavering trust.
Because of this trust, we’ve learned how to communicate our feelings, needs, and problems effectively, whether in person or virtually. In my opinion, this has been crucial to maintaining our relationship. While it hasn’t always been easy, and our dynamic looks very different from how it did in college, we haven’t struggled in the same ways I often hear about in other long-distance relationships.
That being said, I’ll admit this: I believe people in their 20s should avoid long-distance relationships if they can. It takes a truly special person who knows how to communicate thoroughly and effectively to make it work. And frankly, I haven’t seen that level of skill in many of our male peers—or female peers, for that matter.
When I first met Andrew, I wasn’t even close to being on the same page as him when it came to communication. His openness made me uncomfortable, and I sometimes tried to pick fights or self-sabotage. Even now, I occasionally struggle with old habits that I see so many women my age falling into.
This is not to say that I find myself and Andrew superior, but rather that we’ve built a relationship that is made to withstand long distances. That is not true of many modern relationships in 2024.
Communication seems to be a massive roadblock in many relationships right now. The fear of saying what you mean because they might “ghost” you or respond negatively is holding us back from creating a really healthy and open communication dynamic. In romantic relationships, I’ve found that we often take things very personally and very selfishly. We often don’t even consider our partner's opinions or POV if they conflict with us because it’s hard to hear and cope with (this is if those opinions are delivered respectfully of course). But a relationship is a team, and if you’re not willing to openly communicate, learn to take not-so-positive feedback from your teammate and pass the ball occasionally, you’ll never be a winning one. And that reigns true with long-distance relationships.
I’d love to hear any critiques you have about my opinion on long-distance relationships–feel free to shoot me a DM on Instagram @caitlyngarrity
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