Will Wordle Ruin Father’s Day Again?
We all remember what happened last year. How could we forget.
If you were a father living in America, or anywhere in the world—you woke up on our one holiday of the year, and poured your morning coffee. You probably opened a few Father’s Day gifts, probably golf shirts or maybe an ice tray to make orbs or big squares. Maybe the kids jumped into bed with you, or made you breakfast in bed. With any luck, you had plans to play golf later that day.
As a proud member of Dad Nation, Father’s Day was your day—and no one was going to ruin it.
Everything was going fine on Father’s Day 2022, until you decided to play your favorite 5-letter puzzle game: WORDLE. Which is actually a six-letter word, which is weird for a 5-letter guessing game. But let’s stay on track, folks.
We’re going to make two assumptions here:
Whoever picks the words for the New York Times Wordle has major daddy issues.
There was intent by Wordle to wreck Father’s Day last year. It wasn’t a random act; it was on purpose.
It’s been said that when the creator of Wordle, Josh Wardle (oh, now I see) sold the game to the New York Times that he had already preselected the word of the day for the next several years.
But when millions of dads woke up on Father’s Day 2022 and started to play their favorite 5-letter guessing game, they were horrified to discover the Wordle word was none other than:
LOSER.
That’s right: L – O – S – E – R.
Let’s try that one more time:
1. L
2. O
3. S
4. E
5. R
Check the records, people. That’s right, on Day 365 of Wordle, June 19th Father’s Day 2022 the Wordle word selected was LOSER.
The decision to ignite a 5-letter turd and leave it burning on the front steps of every Dad had every father asking, “Why was the Wordle person so mad?” Did his/her/they husband or father abandon their family at a young age? Did he/she/they go on a blind date with an annoying Dad that talked about Peloton too much? A deadbeat dad from the past? Well, whatever daddy issues the Wordle person had or has, they decided to take us all down with ship.
Like a lot of us “losers,” I have a couple Wordle group texts. Wait a minute? I regularly text friends about Wordle . . .maybe I am a loser. . .Well, in the spirit of the fine journalism you expect here at Pulltab Sports let’s set that aside.
It should be noted that we didn’t jump to conclusions here. We considered that maybe the word LOSER just happened to randomly fall on Father’s Day last year. Maybe the algorithm was to blame. And we were okay letting it go, until FEAST showed up as the Thanksgiving Day Wordle word, shortly followed by CLEAN the Saturday after Turkey Day. At this point we had enough evidence to know the Wordle person was doing this on purpose, and that the Wordle word was, on some occasions, deliberately decided to fit the occasion.
So, where do we go from here?
Father’s Day is right around the corner, and the Wordle person has a choice to make. Will they choose redemption, selecting a gloriously dad-friendly word for this year’s Father’s Day Wordle in order to get right with the estimated 1.5 billion fathers in the world?
Because we are professionals, we’ve even hand selected a few options for Wordle Father’s Day 2023 Redemption:
To quote Homer Simpson’s grocery list, “STEAK. STEAK. STEAK.” What’s not to like here? Whether dad wants his pink-in-the-middle medium, or still kicking rare, Wordle could throw dad a bone-in ribeye, choosing STEAK as this year’s Father’s Day Wordle.
Want to make every dad happy that has ever told a dad-joke or put a stud finder on his own torso to make his wife’s eyes roll—go with STUDS as the Father’s Day Wordle. This is perhaps the cleanest reversal of fortune off LOSER, and the perfect muscled up way to right the wrong.
Maybe too easy, but forgiveness would seem to be a perfect way for the 5-letter game to start its 12-Step program choosing the word SORRY.
Another antidote would be to put some “Braveheart” face paint on this year’s Father’s Day Wordle. Plus, FREEDOM has too many letters.
In Dad land, Super makes everything better. Man becomes SUPER Man, Bowl becomes SUPER Bowl. The possibilities are endless.
Like a giant tower of oysters, VIGOR could really spice things up for the boys this year, 5 letters to make us all feel healthy as a horse.
Golf is a dad’s day tradition, Wordle could help us all get on the course with the tip of the cap to our favorite pastime. There are plenty of 5-letter golf words to choose from: LINKS GREEN DIVOT DRIVE RANGE STROKE.
Wordle is all about the squares but blowing a few smoke rings to celebrate Father’s Day wouldn’t hurt either.
No dad is going to say no to a beer, let alone BEERS. Especially after they just got done mowing the lawn. BEERS would be another excellent Father’s Day Wordle choice.
Burgers and brats are the lifeblood of any strong patriarch, acknowledging this would be a nice gesture after last year’s Wordle sin.
Stay with us. Imagine the implications to giving 1.5 billion dads an easy line to say to their partners on Father’s Day. “Well honey, who am I to argue with Wordle? I’ll meet you upstairs.” And if things go well, Wordle could take credit for a new baby boom, actually becoming responsible for creating more fathers. Now that would be quite the mulligan!
In closing, happy early Father’s Day to all the dads out there! You are not losers, no matter what Wordle says.
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