C-Notes: #5 Ranked Gophers Off To A Golden Start.

It’s possible the only people who may truly benefit from the global pandemic will be the University of Minnesota Men’s hockey team. 

We are all stuck at home. 

There are no distractions. We’ve had the time to find the BTN channel, and we are watching them play. 

The Gophers recently played four games in six days, and won them all. 

And they did it wearing new throwback uniforms with gold breezers that are so awesome looking, they’ll have your 70-year-old uncle sending his first fire emoji.

Not to mention, the games were played at a completely empty 3M Arena at Mariucci, and no one could say a snarky “I miss the WCHA” word about it. 

In fact, if this Gopher team keeps playing like they are, it’s possible they may be the ones to finally fill the barn again, if and when we’re ever allowed to resume our normal attending-hockey-games-lives again. 

Making things even more interesting, this strange pandemic year also marks the Gophers 100th season. That’s right, we are celebrating a Covid Centenary. On a related note, why isn’t there a better name for a 100th anniversary? An anniversary of 50 years is called a golden jubilee, seventy-five years is a diamond jubilee—and 100 years is just called a centenary. I know we’re talking hockey, but someone clearly punted on that one. 

Well, for the purpose of this column, let it be known that the University of Minnesota Golden Gopher Men’s Hockey Team is celebrating its Double Golden Jubilee this season (see what I did there). Now that’s more like it! Welcome to C-Notes: Musings on the 100th season of Gopher hockey. 

So, I guess we should start musing. Let’s muse. 

There is a lot to unpack in these first four games, and the Gophers undefeated start. 

It all starts with the uniforms and those golden breezers. Not since the three wise men brought gold, frankincense, and myrr to the manger has gold been such a “symbol of kingship on earth.” Yes, these new uniforms are heavenly indeed.  

And when you start 4-0, you don’t change a thing. The Gophers have worn the new golden uniforms for both their sweep of Penn State and Ohio State. 

Why is it that breezer color is so often overlooked when it comes to uniform design? The gold breezers changed the entire look. And for anyone complaining that the new uniforms are “too gold,” please remember that we are the Golden Gophers, not the Maroon and Gold Gophers. Heck, our mascot is named Goldy! 

Would I say my love of the new gold uniforms is unhealthy? It’s possible. Did I write a letter to the editor saying that Harry Styles should have been wearing the Gophers’ new gold uniform instead of his favorite blouse when he became the first man to appear on the cover of Vogue this month? I may have. Would I sleep in my full gear and the gold uniforms every night if I was a player on this year’s Gophers team? I would. Am I exploring conspiracy theories on the Internet that the real reason we can’t have fans inside Mariucci this season is because the gold breezers are such straight fire that it would be dangerous to have fans look directly at them without using one of those solar eclipse boxes? I am. There’s just something about all that white and gold out there, it makes Mariucci’s big sheet look like a Michelangelo fresco. 

Even Styles wishes he opted for the gold breezers instead of the blouse.

Also, did I mention that the Gophers new gold uniforms are pretty sweet. 

The only thing competing for attention with the new uniforms these first four games is Coach Bob Motzko’s PPE. We need to talk about this. While most coaches are opting for the jet-black mask with the team logo on the side, Motzko opted for a light-yellow hospital style mask. I’d imagine Coach Motzko picked this mask because it’s thin, so his guys can hear him barking on the bench. Considering I’ve asked approximately 435 servers and cashiers wearing masks to repeat themselves over these last few months, this seems like a wise move. 

I’ve quite enjoyed watching the Gophers glowing like a pregnant lady in their new golden uniforms this season. But things get really good when the camera pans up to Coach Motzko and his Easter bonnet yellow mask. It’s so paper thin that when he inhales and exhales it looks like he’s actually suffocating, or has just chewed an entire pack of Bubblicious and it popped all over his chin. Motzko’s mask flaps like Modano’s jersey with every breath of air he takes. It’s glorious. If after the season, I see Coach Motzko’s signed yellow mask in a silent auction, rest assured I will spare no expense to win the bid.  

Every time I see Bob in that yellow mask I smile. It makes sense that the coach who is determined to put the blue collar back on the Gopher program, would sport a look best described as “Bane meets breathing tube.” 

I love it. I love it mostly because I know Coach Motzko wouldn’t possibly think of changing his light-yellow mask, let alone anything, after his team’s 4-0 start. Bob is superstitious like that. And I love it because I can just picture Motzko clicking on an Instagram ad with a bunch of tanned millennials modeling the perfect golden mask to match his team’s new uniforms. He probably shouted to his wife across the room, “Honey, this mask will be perfect!” Only to have a box from China arrive on his doorstep weeks later containing a mask the color of yellow snow that looked nothing like the ad he had clicked on. 

I think there’s a message in Bob’s mask selection. While this might be confusing to some of our younger readers, it would appear that this winter it’s actually okay to eat gold snow. It tastes like winning! 

Oh, yes, and the team. We should probably get to them too. For starters, how would you like to be graduate assistant Paul Martin who gets to work with this batch of diaper dandies on the blueline his first season behind the bench?! 

I can admit there are days I wake up wishing I had legally changed my name to Brock Faber. And that was before I watched him play! With Faber, Ryan Johnson, Jackson “Honey” LaCombe, and Mike Koster emerging on the back end, Martin has a lot to work with this year. By season’s end, this talented crop will make Martin look like Miyagi. Maybe he’ll open a Dojo in Dinkytown filled with puck moving defenseman. Strike first! Strike hard! No mercy! 

We also have to mention Mr. Movember, Cullen Munson, is back with his first team All American mustache. It must be great to be Munson’s parents because you know if the hockey thing doesn’t work out, Cullen can always be a cowboy and crash in the Bunkhouse at John Dutton’s Yellowstone Ranch. 

Mr. Movember strikes again.

And can someone please cut the sleeves off Jack Lafontaine’s sweatshirt because the senior netminder appears to have matured into an on-ice coach. In an empty 3M at Mariucci arena, you can regularly hear Lafontaine barking commands to his teammates from the crease. Watching Lafontaine go out of his way to hit knuckles with every official after games, or calm himself down after a goal, it’s clear he’s grown into one of the Gophers leaders. 

Finally, it would appear the team that was once the youngest in all of college hockey, is maturing right before our eyes. It wasn’t that long ago that Coach Motzko wondered aloud if he had any players that could actually grow facial hair for Movember. Now he has seasoned talent up front spread across the senior, junior, and sophomore class. These first four games, forwards Brannon McManus, Sammy Walker, Scott Reedy, and Ben Myers spent so much time in the offensive zone, they could have ordered DoorDash there. 

Is it too early to heap this type of praise on the Gopher hockey team? Probably, especially considering all four wins were on the Olympic sized sheet, something this year’s edition of the Gophers seems custom built for. In the weeks ahead, the Gophers will get a true test as their next pod of games will be on small ice with road series at Michigan State and Michigan.

But for now, the royal trumpet plays loudly for the Golden Gophers, in this, their Double Golden Jubilee. Rah!